It’s 1 am. Or 3 am. Or not even midnight. You’re awake…again. To soothe and support your newborn baby or young child. With a nurturing mother’s touch (and maybe a bit of luck) your baby is soon back off to dreamland.
Yet, this time as your head hits the pillow sleep doesn’t come so easily for you. Your body feels tense, anticipating that the next time you will be beckoned is near. Swirling thoughts begin to race in your mind. This is your time to rest! Got to get it in! How long til they wake up again? Like a boomerang, the pressure and urgency to fall asleep seem to have the opposite effect. So you lay there, awake, wondering what is going on and why you cannot fall asleep.
This is momsomnia.
Momsomnia happens when our children return soundly off to sleep, but then you are stuck lying awake. Momsomnia can happen for a variety of reasons, though tends to happen most commonly through repetition. After months or even years of being woken up, your body begins to feel “on edge” during the night. Essentially, your body and mind are anticipating your sleep will be disrupted.
Momsomnia can happen for other reasons, as well. You might think you hear the baby cry, even when they aren’t. You may feel anxious that your baby is sick or not breathing and be compelled to go check on them. Frustration from being woken makes you feel wound up and it becomes harder to settle. Even concerns around breastfeeding (like engorgement and mastitis) and pumping schedules can keep you on edge, in a state of contraction.
Momsomnia is no joke. When left untreated it can create a vicious cycle of sleep deprivation that can have detrimental effects. Moms with sleep problems are more likely to experience postpartum depression. Additionally, lack of sleep can lead to a laundry list of other mental and physical health problems including, but not limited to, moodiness, concentration and memory problems, weakened immune system, and relationship problems.
Managing Momsomnia
The good news is, there are plenty of strategies you can use to help manage momsomnia.
Let’s break some of them down below:
Get your environment right. When we give the body the proper signals to calm down, our brain starts to send the signals that sleep is coming and that it’s safe to rest. Light disruption is the number one issue related to disrupted sleep. Keep the lights dim and use lamps and candles rather than bright, overhead lights once the sun goes down. Himalayan salt lamps are also a great alternative to keep lights low and to set the mood that it’s time to wind down and relax. It can help to limit technology and exposure to blue light. Wear blue-blocking glasses and activate Night Shift on your iPhone to reduce blue light.
Aim to keep your room and body cool. Sleep experts suggest keeping your space anywhere between 65-72 degrees to be most conducive to a good night’s sleep. Avoid workouts, super hot baths, or showers hours before you sleep.
Get your body right. When you’re in a momsomnia stretch, limiting caffeine can be a good idea. Caffeine can take up to 12 hours to work its way out of your system. Replace your afternoon coffee with green tea, or better yet, warm lemon water with honey and a dash of cayenne and cinnamon to still get that zesty boost!
It can also help to expose your eyes to sunlight first thing in the morning. The earlier the exposure the better! Your circadian clock uses light and dark signals to prepare your body for future activity and sleep. Early morning exposure means that sweet, sweet melatonin is available for you in the nighttime when it is needed.
Experiment with a good stretch, shimmy, or shake before bedtime.
Tune into what sensations or impulses are in your body before you lay down. If there’s a feeling of electricity, try shaking it out a little bit. Research shows that shaking actually can help us discharge excess tension and overwhelm from our bodies. If it feels supportive, finish off with a good stretch before jumping into bed.
Get your mind right. Find a mantra or affirmation that feels comforting for you. This way, when your mind begins to spiral with automatic, unhelpful thoughts you can replace them with a calming, grounding statement to nurture yourself back to sleep. “All is well and I am supported” and “I let go easily and effortlessly” are a couple to get your gears turning.
If you notice your mind does start racing or you’re tossing and turning for longer than 20 minutes, get out of bed. Laying there awake for hours can ultimately reinforce restlessness and heighten anxiety. You want to associate your bed with sleep, not with struggle. Do something low-key that might make you feel sleepy. Read or stretch, or maybe have a little snack before returning to bed. Keep lights dim and avoid screens during this time.
Cut yourself some slack. A lot of it. When you’re in a stretch of sleep deprivation, remove all unnecessary obligations and responsibilities. Ask for help, whether it’s help with the children, the household chores, meals, or even if it’s just for company so that you’re not alone. During this time, take pressure off yourself to function and perform as if you were getting restorative sleep.
If you struggle with sleep even after putting your babies back to bed, know you are not alone. Keep going, mama! This is a season, and there IS more sleep to come!
