Self-care. It’s now a buzzword. It seems every time I check social media, there’s a post reminding me to take care of myself. And that is not a bad thing. It reminds me that our society is becoming more aware of how important self-care truly is. However, I still think we are figuring out which types of self-care are the most beneficial and easy to implement. Everyone will have their version of what that looks like to them. I am here to show you how it has evolved into more than just a pedicure for me.
My Self-Care Journey
Self-care came easily before having children. I am sure most of you will agree with that statement. Do you have fond memories of visiting the nail salon, hair salon, or spa for a massage whenever you wanted to? Don’t get me wrong, there is NOTHING bad about this type of self-care! I just believe that it is a bit unrealistic to think we can just go right back to this way of life after having a baby. Thankfully, it does not have to be so luxurious.
It wasn’t until after having children that I realized how important those things were for me. You don’t know what you have till it’s gone, right? Now that I have a child I’m supposed to give everything to her and my needs come last – this is the whisper of Human Giver Syndrome in my ear. Human Giver Syndrome is the moral obligation to ‘give’ their humanity to Human Beings – their time, attention, affection, and body willingly, without demanding anything in return. A Human Giver is typically a mom. Go figure! I was unaware of what was happening to me at the time, so I listened to that voice and put my self-care aside.
Putting my needs aside wasn’t a great long-term plan. Eventually, I broke down to my husband so we started to make sure I was getting more self-care on the calendar. It was great! But it also added an additional layer of stress – having to find a babysitter and also spending the money. Those appointments can get expensive! It also did not feel as massively fulfilling as I thought it would be.
Redefining Self-Care
Last year, during my Nurture by NAPS training to run support groups for moms, I learned about other ways to care for ourselves. I specifically remember a lightbulb moment! My new definition of self-care was to give myself the space and time to listen to my gut, my inner voice, and my intuition. After I sat with that thought for a while, it felt a lot easier to accomplish. It involved taking 5-10 minutes out of my day to just sit in silence or with a meditation playing. This wasn’t easy at first and it took a lot of practice. I believe this is something any mother can implement no matter what phase of motherhood she is in. So here are a few other forms of low-key self-care that I have been implementing into my everyday life.
Tuning Into My Physical Needs
This might sound almost too easy but it was actually really hard for me. I have been disconnected from my body for most of my life. Turns out many of us are. You can start with small steps, like honoring your very basic needs. I promised myself to pause and get a drink of water when I felt thirsty, or eat a nutritious snack if I felt hungry. I even started packing snacks for myself in the car instead of just for the kids. Once you have met that need, take a moment to show gratitude towards yourself.
Asking For Help
The single most difficult thing to do as a woman! We want to be able to do it all but that is just a line we have been fed for years. Doing it all is a recipe for burnout. Knowing WHEN we need the help is the hard part. I have been wired for independence and striving for success since I was a young adult. Asking for help was a sign of weakness, in my world. Until I heard a different spin on it – asking for help is BRAVE. Plus it also builds trust with the person you are asking for help from.
I encourage you to start small. When someone asks if they can do anything for you, have them bring you a tea or coffee. Our default is – “No, thanks. I’m good!” Stop that, stop it right now. Asking for help is a learned skill these days. Eventually, you’ll be able to ask a friend to watch your kid for an hour so you can go get that pedicure!
Setting Boundaries
“Cringeworthy,” right? If you are a people pleaser like me, you don’t want to say “no” to anyone. I know I am not alone here so I am going to keep this very simple. If the thing you are being asked to do or be a part of is not a HELL YES, then say NO right away. Don’t let it linger. You can say “Thank you for inviting me, however, I won’t be able to make it that day. Please don’t count me out for the next one!” Saying no will open up your schedule, and open up your life to do more things in alignment with what you care about. Most importantly, open up space for YOU!
I hope this helps you see that the way we care for ourselves has a massive impact on the world around us. Let’s start thinking about self-care a little differently.
