I think marriage is something that we don’t talk about enough in today’s society. When I got married in my 20s, it was all my friends and I talked about. Planning the bachelorette parties, bridal showers, picking our dresses, and ultimately – the wedding of our dreams. After the proposal, everyone around you starts to give you wedding and marriage advice. It was very overwhelming at times listening to everyone having their own opinion from their own experience, but I do believe that we can learn from each other and then apply it to our relationships how we see fit.
My husband and I have been together for a little over 16 years, and we will celebrate 13 years of marriage this summer. We both laugh at it now that we both felt like we had a “love at first sight” rom-com movie scene when we met. I remember the day we looked at each other, I went home and said that’s the man I am going to marry. The night he gave me his number (which was 6 months later), I met up with my friends and said that’s it I don’t need to date anymore… he’s the one.
Love has always come easy for us, but life likes to throw us curve balls (more often than I like to admit). The one thing I am sure of is that I know our marriage wouldn’t be what it is today without taking some of the advice that we have received over the years and applying it when we needed to.
Below is some of the marriage advice we received that created a strong foundation from the start and supported and strengthened our marriage over the years:
Best friends first
When we first started dating it was very important to me that we were friends first…best friends. I knew that I wanted a husband, but I needed a best friend for the long haul. Someone to do life with and be by my side through every single moment. So we casually dated for three months before becoming “serious” (I am sure this is not what they call it nowadays). We also talked in depth quite early on about what we wanted for the future—marriage, house, and how many kids we wanted.
Always face challenges together
Marriage has not been easy because we are constantly up against another trial or mountain, but that is life. There will always be challenges that we are faced with, but if we face them together we will conquer them together. He supports me 100% as I do for him. We challenge each other in other ways, but we never challenge each other in those tough situations. We always find a way to figure them out together. Things that can break a marriage have strengthened ours because we faced them together instead of taking it out on each other.
Date each other
This is one thing I think everyone tells you to do, especially after you have kids, but for us, we don’t ever get a chance to get out on a date. Realistically, and I know this is sad, we have had FIVE dates in the last FIVE years. Since we don’t get out often, we try to make time for just the two of us at home when the kids are snug in bed. It might be a glass of a new-to-us wine, a Netflix show, a rented movie, a charcuterie board, or a fire out on the deck under the stars. It is very important to spend time together alone – without the kids even if it is simple. If you struggle with communication I highly recommend games, lists of questions, or marriage devotions to start conversations that you wouldn’t otherwise have.
Figure out your love languages
As your marriage ages, your love language will change. My love language was Physical Touch until I had four kids, now I am touched out. As a busy mom of four, my love language has transitioned to Acts of Service. My husband knows at the end of the day I would rather have him clean the toilets than give me gifts. Knowing how we each function has helped eliminate the unnecessary small fights (but we do fight and that is not only okay but healthy to express emotion). You and your partner can take the quiz here to figure out your love languages.
At the end of the day, marriage is hard work. It takes a lot of patience and communication with one another. When I look back on the last 16 years, it’s not the hard times that bring tears to my eyes it’s all the beautiful moments that we have experienced together. I can’t wait to grow old with my husband, and I love that as we age, as our marriage grows older, we fall more in love with each other. I pray that my children will get to experience love and marriage the way I have, and I am sure I will be the one to give them marriage advice when they don’t want it!
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