When I had my first child in 2019, I was living in Connecticut. Our local pediatrician’s office had a new moms group that met every Tuesday morning. I started going to when my daughter was just a few weeks old. Each week, we would talk about the hard stuff, we would change diapers in the middle of conversations, and we would cry, laugh, share triumphs, and hold each other tight. Immediately after the meet-up we would then head to lunch at a local spot, and continue the conversation. This turned into evening meet-ups, text threads, and friendships. These women were my lifeline.
And then, I moved to Central Mass in the middle of a pandemic. I had no idea where to begin making new mom friends, but I knew I needed them. While I continue to hold on tight to my incredible friendships from childhood, high school, college, and even some from Connecticut, I knew that I needed to make mom friends in Central Mass like the ones I had in my first mom’s group. And here’s how I did it.
Find (or Create) The Community You Need
If you’re reading this, it means you already know about the incredible community that is Central Mass Mom. When I moved here, I started reading blog posts and following along on social media. I began to go to the meet-ups and playground series, and I became a contributor. The women in this community have been a gift. So whether you’re new or have been around for a while, I encourage you to do this: come to the events. Reach out to the writers that resonate with you. Simply, show up.
As a facilitator, I know that one of my gifts is creating space for others to show up as their full and authentic selves. So just about a year ago, I launched a hyper-local moms group for Shrewsbury/Northborough (and others that live nearby). We meet monthly and dive deep into meaningful conversations. We cut out the small talk, and instead connect on building friendships, the challenges of motherhood, the trials of marriage, life, and so much more. I often hear that is it nerve-wracking to come to your first gathering, but again I tell you this – simply, show up.
Push Past Discomfort and Say Hello
I have met several of my close friends by moving past the awkward feeling of introducing myself with the intention of hopefully becoming friends. I’ll share two examples. When we moved into our house about two years ago, I heard that there was a neighbor that had kids about the same age. I began to walk by her house every day until I ran into her. Apparently, we had heard about each other and we were like HEY! We’ve now become very close and I can’t imagine living here without her close by. This happened again more recently when I was trying to catch another new mom that moved into the neighborhood. I saw her in the garage, marched my way in, and we spent the next hour together (along with my friend I mentioned first). Second – I try to introduce myself to all of the moms that I see at pick-up/drop-off. Many have become dear friends.
In the moms group I lead, one of the things I hear more frequently is that people seem so unfriendly in these moments. And while the perception is real, it is often very untrue. Yes, we’re running in a million directions when dropping off kids, but by saying hello – you have an opportunity to connect. Make sure to grab their number/email so you can follow up and set up a playdate or mom date.
Put In The Work
Friendships require work, and there are so many different types of friends. In a recent conversation with my local mom’s group, one mom shared this concept of enjoying different types of friendships at this stage in life. The reality is, you don’t have time to become best friends with every mom you meet. But if you find one or three, you are incredibly lucky. Along the way, you might find your neighbor friends that you take long walks with. You may have your playground friends who you see every Saturday morning. Perhaps you’ll have workout friends that you go to yoga with every Thursday night. Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. It’s okay to let some be exactly as they are. Still, if you’re looking to cultivate something deeper – you need to put in the work. Set up dinner dates, check in on her in the good times and bad, and be intentional about getting deeper into your conversations. It’s all worth it.
