Our lives in our in constant motion. We face new challenges and experience new wins as time moves along. These things shape and reshape us with every passing moment. Given this, are you the same person you were last year? Last decade? In a way, of course, you are—you never lose those past pieces of you. But in other ways, we are always melding and building upon those past versions of ourselves. It only makes sense, then, that so too are the people around us. Friendships morph as people move, get married, and have children. Our marriages adapt and change over the years. Our children grow and learn and become more of themselves with each passing day. In a way, we are surrounded by a new village each and every year! New friends, new kids, new husband, new self! How do we adapt?
Friendships
Friendships sometimes end in big fights, but more often, I hear people say things like we just kind of drifted apart. Of course, lives take different paths, things get busy, and life just gets lifey. I recently returned from a weekend away with college girlfriends. That trip represented almost 20 years of friendship that has required tending and adapting. Our interests, careers, families, and selves have changed many times over. Each individual has had their own highs and lows. We all have had our times to be the ones to reach out and call, and we have all had our times of retreating into our own shells. Friendships like these are special because of the nurturing they require. The easy way is to let them just slip through our fingers. This weekend with my dear friends left me more convinced than ever that the work is worth it.
Partners
My husband and I met when we were just 18 years old. We have seen so many versions of each other as we have moved through the chapters of life. We have to consistently and consciously choose to love the new person we each evolve into as time passes. I’m not saying it is hard to keep loving a partner, but you do have to acknowledge the shifts and embrace them, or else space just finds its way in. You don’t just choose love once or on the day you say your vows. You chose it every year, month, and day. Actually, I think it is pretty special when you stop and think about how you have gotten to watch a person’s metamorphosis through the years.
Children
I only have two kids, but by the end of my life, I hope to have more kids than I can count. The fitful, sleepless infant, the rambunctious toddler, the newly independent preschooler, the brand new to reading kindergartner, the stinky middle schooler, the boundary pushing teen, the baby adult, and the confident grown up. I like to think that, as their parent, I too will keep growing and changing as time goes on, allowing me to be ready to meet these future kids.
How many versions of your family have you had already? Your friends, partner, or yourself? How will you prepare for meeting and loving them?
