Do you ever hear “Momma, can you help me with this?” even though your hands are full and your spouse is sitting in the next room doing nothing? How about “Momma, can you put me to bed tonight?” even though you have a bajillion things to do and your spouse has nothing to do? But your kid insists that it HAS to be you. If you answered “yes” to these questions, welcome to the Preferred Parent Club. I, myself, am in this club, and even though being the “favorite” parent is a great feeling, there are also some downsides to it.
Here are the pros of being the preferred parent:
Sharing a special bond
All I ever want for my children is for them to be happy and to know that no matter what, I am always there for them. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. The ups and downs. No matter what they choose to do in life, I hope they feel close enough to me that they can come and talk to me about anything. Having a great relationship with my children is a huge priority, so being the preferred parent to them helps me build that closeness with them.
Gives me a boost to my ego
Nothing makes me feel better or more loved than when my child only wants me for everything. When my 5-year-old son cries because he misses me, even though I have only been gone for an hour. If another person is holding my infant daughter, and she looks at me the whole time and smiles at me. These are some of my favorite parts of motherhood. I love the feeling of being the one my children look for and want to be with. It makes me feel tingly inside.
Being the one to calm them down
When my son is upset and cries “momma” and runs to hug me, he then feels better after a cuddle. When my infant daughter is crying while my husband holds her and then instantly calms down when I take her. These bring me so much joy and happiness. I love being the shoulder they want to cry on and being their “safe space”. It makes me feel like a superhero. All the times I feel like I’m failing them or being a bad mother instantly go away. Not only does it reassure them that I love them, but it reassures me that THEY love me. No. Matter. What.
Kids will always have my back
When my husband asks my son, “Who’s the boss?” and he answers, “Mama’s the boss.” Or when my husband and I are debating on a topic, and my son jumps in and says, “Momma’s right.” Great answer, kid! I’ll be slipping you a toy later on for having my back. This is such a great feeling knowing that I’ll always have the support of my little humans.
Here are the cons that I feel as the preferred parent:
Being the only one to calm them down
What? How can this be on the con list as well if I love it so much? Easy. Yes, being their shoulder to cry on is a great feeling. But doing it consistently, time and time again, becomes exhausting.
Not getting a break
Being the preferred parent means there’s not much room for “me time”. It is hard for me to go out alone because the kids only want me. Then I feel guilty when I get home because they were upset, and I was out without them. It makes it difficult for me to get time with my husband at night because they both want me to put them to bed. Then I fall asleep shortly after I put them to bed. Then here comes the guilt again, slapping me in the face. “They’re only little for a short amount of time,” says the mom guilt, making me feel inadequate again.
Truth be told, being the preferred parent sure has its ups and downs. I go from feeling like a super mom to feeling inadequate and not good enough for my kids, back to feeling like the best mom in the world. One thing I hope is that no matter how I’m feeling about my “momming”, my kids always see me as the best in their eyes. I hope they choose to want me to console them when they’re upset and to feel they can come to me about anything. Motherhood is the hardest job I’ve ever loved.
