I am entering a new stage of motherhood that I never thought would be here, but here we are. My twins—my oldest two children of four—just turned 10 this past fall and have officially entered the pre-teen years. I have found these years to be both wonderful and, at times, stressful. Their bodies are changing in ways they can’t control, making emotions run high, attitudes shift unexpectedly, and even sparking arguments that seem to come from out of nowhere.
With all that said, this time has been wonderful getting to know my kids on a totally new level. A little background on our family, we have been a homeschooling family for the last five years, so I am with my kids 24/7. I would not trade our way of living for anything, but I play multiple roles in our household: mom, wife, teacher, part-time work-from-home… to name the top few. Sometimes I feel pulled in many different directions, so I wanted to sit down and create ways that can help build a stronger bond with my kids as they enter their pre-teen years, because the next ten years are going to go by faster than the first ten! I don’t want to look back and regret not making the time to form a strong bond with my kids as they enter and exit their pre-teen, teen, and adult years.
Want a close, healthy relationship with your pre-teen? Here are six tips for building a strong bond and navigating these years with your pre-teens:
Quality Time
This is a no-brainer, but it can be hard with the chaotic schedules that come with having pre-teens. Sports schedules, activities, friends, and finding the time can seem overwhelming, but it is so important. Maybe it’s only taking that one kid to their activity so you have time in the car together, or it’s doing something special together that they enjoy. Being with your kids is what they are going to remember most—especially during these years.
Releasing The Fear of New Stages
I don’t know about you, but puberty scares the living daylights out of my husband and me. We just had babies, how are we here already? However, I have spent time researching and finding tools to help ease my fear of this stage (although I would love to go back to the long nights with newborns). I am taking this as an opportunity to strengthen our bond by having open and honest conversations with my kids about tough subjects at the appropriate time.
Learn to Listen More
Pre-teens love to talk, so learn to listen. Create a safe space for them to express whatever is on their minds. Again, their bodies are going through drastic changes, so as awkward as it can feel as the parent to talk about the tough stuff, it can be incredibly nerve-wracking for our pre-teens. We want to be their safe space, so if or when something might come up, we will be the first person they run to.
Sharing Hobbies with Your Pre-Teens
Ok, hear me out. This is my favorite thing that we have introduced into our schedules, and the joy that beams from me and the kids after is undeniable. The twins love coming to the gym with me now and working out, so it has been fun to teach them how to use weights and equipment for both of us. The twins love playing chess, so they have been teaching their dad, and I taught them cribbage so we can play together now. Cards is something I learned to do with my mom, so it is so nice to share this hobby with my kids.
Show Affection…Even When They Say They Don’t Want It
This one can be hard when they duck and run from a hug. Or say, “Yuck! Mom, I am with my friends!” But it is so important to continue to show affection to your kids even during these years. They may be transforming into adults, but they will always need your love and affection. Especially during the hard days, because they are bound to happen.
Apologizing & Forgiveness
Showing our kids how to apologize and show forgiveness is so vital from a very young age. No one is perfect, and we will all make mistakes, but the key to forgiveness is apologizing when we are in the wrong. I am sure I am going to get many things wrong as I enter this new stage of motherhood, but I will always make it a point to apologize. Raising strong, courageous kids can only be done when they admit their faults and move on from disappointing actions or failures, because they will have them. We want to teach them that it’s okay to be mad or sad, but don’t stay there. Apologizing and forgiveness are two ways to let those dark feelings go and move on, and that is what I want to teach my pre-teens.
Even though this new season scares me a little bit, I am overwhelmingly excited to watch my kids grow and experience all the amazing (and maybe not so amazing things—do I need to say awkward middle school years?) things that these years will bring.
