One thing I was not prepared for in motherhood, besides motherhood itself, is surviving the feeling of mom guilt. You might feel guilt if you don’t work to help provide financially for the family. Or you may feel guilty if you have a job that cuts into your time with your children. The guilt may creep in when you feel like you just need a break. Your kids are driving you crazy, and you’re mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.
Recently, I have been feeling some mom guilt more and more. I work nights, coach, and play softball, and I have been having nights out with friends or date nights with my husband. It has taken several reminders from myself, as well as friends and family, that it is OKAY, it is necessary, to take some time for me. We need to do things that we love to do without the guilt. We won’t survive the postpartum period, feel better about ourselves, or take care of our children successfully without taking care of ourselves first. All of these things help us be the best version of ourselves.
Here are a few reminders to help you if you begin to feel the mom guilt:
Self-care is the most important
Postpartum mental health is serious and extremely common. The best way to get through those months is to do activities that bring you joy. A happy and healthy mama makes for a happy child. It is very easy to lose your identity once you become a mother. If you’re wondering, “Is it acceptable to leave my child with a sitter for an hour so I can go to the gym?” or “Can I take time for myself and walk down the aisles of Target?” I’m here to tell you if that is your form of self-care, then YES!
Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty
Many times the mom guilt we feel stems from worrying about what other people think. The advice I would give is to stop worrying about people’s opinions and focus on making you and your family happy. Trust me, I know this is much easier said than done. This is coming from a person who has a pathological need for people to like her, I am constantly worrying about what people think of me, but I’ve come to learn that as long as my son is happy and healthy, then I’m doing a great job. And that is all that matters. Some people are going to judge you no matter what decisions you make. Just remember that you’re doing what’s best for your children and most importantly, YOU!
Your kids will be okay — even if it doesn’t feel that way
If you don’t see your kids as much as you’d like, does it make you nervous that they will resent you? Does this make you feel like a bad mom? If you answered yes, I have some good news for you: your children will be ok. Why? Because they are being well taken care of by the best version of YOU and others that YOU deeply trust. You’re a great mom because you are taking the time to care for yourself. Your child will not resent you. They’ll be proud of you because you doing what makes you happy. You are setting an example for them.
Whenever you’re feeling guilty for taking time for yourself – just remember that feeling the guilt doesn’t make you a bad mom. It means you are a good mom! You’ll be the best mom that you can be if you are happy and healthy. It is okay to feel the guilt but try not to let it consume you. Also, don’t stop living your life because you miss your children. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. So have fun and take care of yourself. It will make time with your kids that much more special and make you love each other even more.
