Saying “Yes” To Help

Are you “good” or “bad” at saying yes to help as a mother? Me… well I’m getting better.

There were so many times I pushed away help as a first-time mom. I thought I didn’t need or deserve the help of family, friends, and co-workers. I thought I could do it all. And maybe it’s largely because of my personality or the fact that I felt I could handle everything independently. Whatever it was… I felt like I had everything under control.

What I have found to be true is, there’s a sense of confidence that comes after having a second child. Sure, there’s some added stress and a lot more managing to be done overall, but with those added responsibilities comes a greater need for help. When I had my second, I realized that as a working mom, with a really busy schedule in and outside of work, I needed more than two hands to get everything done. Could I handle everything that I was doing before and then some? Of course. But did I have to do it all alone? No, I didn’t.

Below are some ways that I said yes to help as a mom of two. I hope these examples serve you if you’re also like me — someone who feels they can do it all which often results in being spread too thin.

Around your job

Let your work colleagues/team help you. This starts by expressing more about your home life and family responsibilities to them. To be honest, this was something I always shied away from. I am someone who likes to separate my personal and professional life. I keep things very surface-level when sharing about my husband and kids. But, I have found as a busy mom, there’s nothing wrong with voicing more about your family life especially if that means needing more help with something during your workday. For me, that was explaining that I always do daycare pick-up, and would be unavailable for an hour every day from 3:30-4:30 PM. I have only been met with compassion and understanding when I open up in this way.

Around your home/family

Let your partner help more. More often than not, they want to help you, too. If you’re the primary caregiver, you deserve a balance of duties. Providing care to tiny humans is exhausting. Some mothers have a way they prefer things to be done or have a layer of perfectionism that they can’t quite shake off. Learn to shed that, little by little.

If you have family members nearby and have strong relationships with them, allow them to support you. If your parents, in-laws, or relatives offer to watch your kids so you can go out on a date, run errands, or just relax upstairs for some much-needed solo time, say yes, with a smile. Often people really do want to assist, and they also enjoy time with your children, so let them do both.

Around your neighborhood

Do you have a trusty babysitter? What about leaning on your child’s teacher for babysitting duties? A neighborhood mother’s helper? Lean on your village.

Recently, my husband and I felt the urge to go on a fun day date, so we called our mother’s helper to watch the kids for a couple of hours. It was really nice to get that time together — and she was more than happy to hang out with the kids.

Around your community

Some services make life easier — things like grocery deliveries, cleaning services, and landscaping. Run through your budget. Get granular about where you can make room. Can you cut down on anything to make room for services that could help you out? Can you afford a once-a-month cleaning? What about an occasional sitter? Could you use a grocery delivery this week?

You deserve to feel supported and cared for. Here are a few quick reminders:

1. No, you’re not inconveniencing others when they offer to help.
2. Accepting help doesn’t make you weak, inadequate, or lazy.
3. Plenty of people accept help all the time, but you just don’t see or hear about it. Remember that social media is typically a pretty highlight reel of someone’s best moments. Many moms are asking for/accepting help and not sharing that info (nannies, cleaning services, meal deliveries, laundry services, landscaping help, babysitters, daycare, vacation helpers, date nights, etc.)
4. It’s okay to lean on your village. Support feels good. It allows you space to breathe, think, and better manage life’s moving parts. We aren’t meant to do this thing called motherhood alone.

Now, go and say yes, and make room for fewer to-dos.