Miscarriage is an insufferable loss. Not only are you mourning the child you lost, but you are also grieving the loss of your plans that the baby would bring. I’ve had two miscarriages and never experienced such grief before. When I had my first miscarriage, I was devastated and felt lost. I was not sure how I could possibly get through it. A few months later, I became pregnant with my son, and even though my pain was not completely gone, my heart began to heal.
My second miscarriage happened recently. I could not believe that I was going through this loss again. I was 4 weeks along and only knew I was pregnant for a day, but it still crushed me. I tell people that I’m okay because I want to convince myself that I am. But the truth is I am hurting. The pain is just as real no matter how far along you are. When I think about it. Seeing or hearing pregnancy announcements. When my son asks me “Why is the baby gone” and then cries because he wants a sibling. No matter what the trigger is, my heart breaks again.
If you have suffered a loss and you’re not sure how to get through it here are a few tips I have used to get through the grief:
Talk about it
For some reason, miscarriage is not talked about as often as it should be. It is not something to be ashamed of. If you have gone through this, please talk about it with people that are close to you. Do not feel like you must suffer in silence.
After my first miscarriage, I wasn’t sure if I was going to talk about it on social media. But I saw other people share their experiences and it gave me an outlet to talk to about mine. I realized I wanted to pay it forward. I had several people message me and say they had just gone through the same experience, and they had nobody in their life that could relate. They were thankful that I shared my story. It made me feel proud that I was able to help someone else by sharing my experience. Please, if you don’t have anyone to talk to about it, reach out to me.
Do not give up
Miscarriages are very common. It does not mean it is over for you because you have experienced one. I suggest keep trying when the timing feels right. A couple of months after my first miscarriage, I became pregnant with my son. As nervous as I was the whole first trimester, I was elated that my motherhood journey was beginning after such a devastating loss. After every storm, there is a rainbow and my son is mine.
It is not your fault
Miscarriages are more common than we would all like them to be. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. If you’re similar to me, I’m sure you blame yourself or wonder why this happened to you, but it is not your fault. Sometimes they can’t even figure out the reason why the miscarriage occurred. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it.
You are strong
If you have suffered a miscarriage, let this be a reminder that you are strong. Losing someone you love is difficult. Losing a baby is unimaginable. I have a sign hanging in my house that says “You don’t know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have” which I received after my first loss. I look at this whenever my grief gets too heavy to remind myself how strong I am. I’m here to remind you just how strong you are too! We are strong, and we will get through this together.