We all go into marriage with the expectation that it will be forever. You tie the knot, have a kid or two, maybe buy a house, and build a life together. No one anticipates that things may not work out. Unfortunately, life is filled with unforeseen plot twists. People change and grow apart. Sometimes we realize we are better off as friends than as husband and wife. Maybe someone cheats. Whatever the reason, divorce is unfortunately a very common thing in this day and age. So, the idea of your child having a bonus parent or a stepparent isn’t that farfetched.
It takes a special kind of individual to love and care for another person’s child(ren) and be a stepparent. Not everyone is capable of this task. The responsibilities of parenting while trying to navigate and establish a relationship with a kid who already has biological parents? This job is not for the faintest of hearts. While this commitment may come with its own set of challenges, it can also come with some incredible rewards.
I met the man who would one day become my stepdad when I was 9 years old. I must admit, I didn’t make a great first impression. At such a young age, I thought he was here to take my mother away from me and my sister. Plus, I already had a dad; I didn’t need another one! I was rude, and disrespectful in my tone… just a complete brat. Simply put, I didn’t make things easy for him… at first.
Over time, our relationship blossomed naturally. I never once felt pressure from my mother to bond or “make friends” with him. I got to know him and his family better – his parents and brothers were awesome. We were having fun, and I could see just how happy he was making my mother. It changed how I felt about him making it all the better when I found out I was going to be in their wedding.
Our life came with challenges just like everyone else. There were times when we both didn’t like each other very much. We were forced to completely relocate for his job once they had gotten married since he’s a public serviceman. My mother ended up having another baby, and I managed to find all sorts of trouble. One time I stole his car to go to a party. Yeah, I was that kid. But no matter how crazy I made him, he always showed up when it mattered. All the doctor’s appointments, my graduations from high school and pharmacy, family BBQs, quality time just hanging out playing games… he was there.
As major life moments came around, he was just as involved as my mom. The man who had raised us proudly walked not just me but my sister down the aisle at our weddings towards our future husbands. When it came time to naming my son, his first name would be his own, but his middle name would be after none other than the one who restored my faith in men. I could think of no one more deserving of this honor. Now, watching the relationship between my son and his grandpa blossom are some of my favorite moments. My son adores him. No one compares to Grandpa!
I’ve learned so much from my parents, and I cherish the relationships I share with each of them. However, the one I have with my stepdad holds a special place in my heart. His presence in my life has helped fill a hole left behind by my biological father who is no longer in the picture. Not every parent is a good or safe person. It took me a long time to learn this, but luckily, I eventually did. Thankfully, I have someone in my life who has stepped up in so many ways and has never left the picture. The impact he’s made on my life couldn’t have been clearer to me than when I ended up marrying someone just like him.
So, to all the stepparents out there who have gone above and beyond, this one’s for you. You are superheroes in your own right for the endless patience, compassion, kindness, love, consistency, and understanding you show day after day no matter how hard it gets. None of it has ever gone unnoticed. I know it’ll never be enough, but in case you never heard it, thank you.
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