“How are you going to prepare the kids?” I was recently asked this question, and the only response I could formulate was, “I haven’t really thought about that.” I was paralyzed, and my mind was racing. When my mom moved in with us, I knew this would be her final destination, but did my kids?
That night I tossed & turned, riddled with anxiety. I finally sat up and took a deep breath. I had subconsciously been preparing my kids from the beginning, but it wasn’t something on my to-do list, so I didn’t even realize it.
Here are the steps I have been taking in preparing my children for loss:
1. I have been honest with my children from the very beginning. They are aware Grammy Kitty’s brain is different than ours & it’s only getting worse, it will never get better.
2. I have been very intentional about making memories together as a family. I want my kids to have positive memories of their grandmother. We have done ALL of the things, particularly during the holidays, to make happy core memories.
3. I had family photos taken. It was important to me to capture all of us together. I immediately printed them and put them up in our house so we have positive visual reminders of our time together.
4. Books have always been a tool that I have used to assist me in explaining difficult topics to my kids. Here are some books on grief that are currently on our bookshelf:
“The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst
“I Can’t Believe They’re Gone” by Karen Brough
“You’ll Find Me” by Amanda Rawson Hill
“God Gave Us Heaven” by Lisa Tawn Bergen
5. A Cardinal is the universal sign of a visit from a deceased loved one. I bought matching bracelets with a Cardinal and a four-leaf clover for my mom, my daughter, and me because it is our good luck sign. I also bought matching Cardinal stuffies for all of us to have, and put up a bird feeder on our living room window so she will be able to visit us.
Loss is something you can never fully prepare for, but if you find yourself in a similar situation to ours, I hope these tips can be a source of comfort for you as well.
