Let’s face it. Not every aspect of motherhood is always going to be amazing. Sometimes, we are going to miss the person that we used to be back in the day before we became mothers and got to enjoy our young, single lives. We might find letting go is hard when it comes to what we can and cannot do as mothers or what we can’t do or provide for our next babies. I am learning that it is okay to accept that letting go is hard.
Letting go of my younger self.
In my 20s, I was galavanting about Europe and having a grand old time going on numerous vacations a year, drinking cocktails, and working at burlesque events. I went out with friends a lot. Because I could. I was very lucky to have had such an amazing time as my younger and single self. But I don’t live there anymore. I’m not single anymore. My life has changed. And it’s ok to miss that sometimes and find it hard to let go. It was a treasured time in my life. Do I still want all of those things in my life? Not necessarily. I can let some parts go and fondly remember the rest. Do I still feel a little jealous sometimes that my friends in Europe seem to still be doing a lot of those things? Yeah, but their lives have changed too, and we all let go of some parts at some point in our lives.
Letting go of what I can’t do as a mom.
Being a mom is hard. What, nobody told you? There are always going to be things that we want to do and for whatever reason, can’t. The mom guilt can be a big part of that. We feel like we have to have a spotless house, tons of screen-free activities and sensory boxes, and the time to make those awesome little toddler bites we see online. Sometimes, we need a break or to cook dinner without a child attached to us, so the TV goes on for the little one. That’s ok. I’m sure every mom needs to let go just a little bit.
There is no such thing as a super mom. But there is you, and that’s what your kids need. More so than the empty laundry baskets and lack of dust bunnies under the couch. Being in a strong financial position is helpful, and hopefully, you have some family members nearby or some great friends who are willing to help out and take your kid so you can have a moment. It won’t always be the way you want it to be, but we need to cherish those people and love the time we do have with our families and kids.
Letting go of what I can’t do for my second baby.
Having a second child (or more!) changes your life in many ways. As much as I would love to go on a babymoon, I don’t have the time or money. I won’t be able to have a newborn photoshoot like I did with my first. Your priorities change, and sometimes that means making a hard decision and letting something go. But you never know what other options might be out there. Other mom groups might have photographers willing to do cheap or free photo shoots for you for their portfolios or hobbies. Maybe you can exchange the babymoon for a local date night instead. Sometimes, you just have to accept things the way they are, let go, and move on.
Letting go of the changes that motherhood does to your body.
Letting go of the changes that motherhood has wrought on your body fits in here somewhere, too. Each pregnancy, each birth, and each child is different, and your body will change along with it. Number two hit me harder. I don’t feel as confident in my body as I used to. But my body has carried two babies, and that’s an amazing feat. It might not look and feel the way I wish it did, but I’m letting that go, too. Sometimes, we might need a little help letting things go. If you feel like this is you, talk to your partner, a friend, or your mum, or think about looking into a therapist to talk things out, and you never know, it might just help.
Being a parent is about being flexible and doing what you can for your family. Some things you will have to let go of, and really, it’s ok. It’s fine, you’re fine, everything is fine. But really, it is. And it will be. In the words of Elsa, “Let it go, let it gooooooooo.”
