When I set out to have children, I was ecstatic. I was optimistic, but cautious, as I knew being a mom was more than just cute baby clothes and adorable Instagram posts. I knew there were challenges ahead. I anticipated the sleepless nights, the potential feeding difficulties, and the tantrums that I had seen with others who had children before me. Hours were spent reading and preparing for the baby. I took online sleep and feeding courses, along with in-person classes for breastfeeding, CPR, and labor. But what I didn’t prepare for was the mental struggle I was about to go through in relation to my body changing.
My journey to body acceptance after having kids
I figured I would “snap back” (whatever that means). I figured I would return to my pre-pregnancy weight rather quickly since I was exclusively breastfeeding. When the doctor told me it takes most women 6 months to feel like themselves again, I thought of course that would be me. Pre-kids, I never struggled with my weight. I ate healthy and liked to be active, but I never had to overextend myself or work too hard to maintain my appearance. My hair was never dyed, and I rarely wore makeup. I was very low maintenance, and yet, I was confident.
After having kids, I was no longer confident. I didn’t lose the weight as anticipated. I didn’t feel like myself again after 6 months. Going back to work and realizing I had a full closet but nothing to wear made me spiral into negativity and body shaming. Realizing I literally needed a whole new wardrobe was tough to swallow (never mind expensive). Along with the extra weight, I started noticing a lot of gray hair and dark circles under my eyes. I would show up to a family cookout and hear, “You look tired.” I started noticing wrinkles and becoming hyper-focused on the “11” in between my eyebrows.
It was tough to see myself in the mirror. I started hiding behind big sweatshirts, dying my hair, bought all the anti-aging serums, and got Botox. All of these actions were very uncharacteristic of the person I was pre-kids. My husband kept telling me I was beautiful and didn’t need to do all these things. But I couldn’t believe it for myself. When I took a shower with my little one and she asked me why my tummy was so big, I didn’t feel beautiful.
Flash forward to a few years and a lot of mental work and I’m in a much better place. Physically, everything I stated above is the same, but mentally, I am stronger.
Here’s some food for thought for those who can relate to the journey to body acceptance after having kids:
- Nothing in your life is the same after having kids, NOTHING. So we shouldn’t expect our body to be either.
- Bodies change. That is expected. Kids or no kids, we all age and our bodies change. Let’s get this message out there and set the expectation that it is NORMAL.
- Mindset shift. My body is amazing. It grew two tiny humans. It nourished them for months. I am thankful to have this body that gave me my two biggest joys in life.
- New Perspective. It is a blessing to age. Life is short and it’s a privilege to be worrying about gray hair and wrinkles.
- Stop the noise. Unfollow people and accounts on social media that are not positively serving you. And remember, social media is a highlight reel. That influencer may have a flat stomach but it doesn’t mean she’s happy.
- Set boundaries with family and friends who want to comment on your body. For some reason, from the moment you get pregnant, those around you suddenly feel comfortable commenting on your body. After having a baby, I felt like all eyes were on me. I felt like everyone was assessing my body. Even the “you look great” comments were triggering for me. Let’s STOP commenting on people’s bodies. I finally had to tell my parents to STOP discussing my body. Although they meant well and thought they were encouraging, the unsolicited remarks made me cringe because I felt like I was being evaluated every time I walked in the door.
- Get clothes that fit. I cannot emphasize this enough. Trying to squeeze into clothes that no longer work for your body is a recipe for a bad mood. Find out what makes you feel your best in this different body!
How did I change my perspective?
I thought about my daughters. I thought about the need to raise a generation that is not obsessed with appearance. Raising my girls so that they are not inundated with photoshopped and filtered images on social media that portray an unrealistic level of “beauty”. I want to teach them that we are all beautiful and we all deserve to take up space. Also show them that bodies come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and that is AWESOME. To explain to them that their worth in this world is not related to their physical appearance. I am a role model for two little girls and that is the biggest responsibility I could ever have.
Here’s to all the moms working on body acceptance, so they can raise confident, happy kids!
