Making mom friends is hard. Before I became a mom, I had an idea of how it would go. Of course, it would be hard, but I had my husband, my mom, and friends who were also moms who would be there for me.
Once that baby arrived, so did the loneliness. I didn’t understand how I could have so many people around me yet not anyone to talk to. Adjusting to this significant life change was a huge shift. Two of my best friends were already moms, but unfortunately, they didn’t live nearby. Texting was our primary form of communication, which can be hard to keep up with when you have a little human crying every hour, waiting for you to whip out your boob to feed them. They also had their little ones to care for. Other friends were on their journeys to becoming moms, too, so it felt like everyone had lives they needed to lead.
My son and I began to grow together. Our new roles as mom and human on earth were becoming more normal by the day. He was my little best friend, but he couldn’t talk back. I sent my besties voice messages or extra-long texts, yet I still felt lonely. We have always lived at a distance, but now that we are all moms, I felt like I needed them more than ever, physically. My dream of living in a cul-de-sac and raising our kids together has come and gone. I needed to find Mom friends in town! The search began.
I started my search on Facebook by looking for activities like Mommy and Me classes. That way, I could find a mom friend and so could my son. I stumbled across a center that offers free programs to families in my area. I signed us up and was ready to make friends!
When I arrived, it felt like everyone knew each other. I’m very outgoing, but I felt a bit intimidated. On top of that, having an 18-month-old to keep an eye on means conversations are brief. Everyone I encountered was sweet to me; I just didn’t find that anyone shared my interests. To the other parents’ credit, it’s pretty tough to chat with an adult when your kid is screaming for a snack.
Then, one day, a mom I had never seen before walked in. She seemed about my age, was dressed entirely in black (the mom’s uniform), and greeted me. We chatted briefly and discovered that we lived in the same town, which surprised me—how had we never crossed paths before? Once again, the play hour ended, and I didn’t even catch her name. However, I glanced at the sign-in sheet and took out my phone. In the car, I searched for her name on Facebook and decided to take a chance. I said, “Hey, we just met at the playgroup today, and I meant to ask for your number while we were there. I would love to have a mom friend nearby.” Surprisingly, she matched my enthusiasm and replied, “I’m so happy you reached out. You’ve got a friend in me.” I breathed a sigh of relief.
We found we have so much in common. We plan play dates for the boys and try to get together just us, to drink wine, complain, and laugh.
Below are a few suggestions on how to find a mom friend out there in the wild:
Go to places where moms are.
Libraries, playgroups, coffee shops, and indoor and outdoor Playgrounds. It can be overwhelming, especially at the playgrounds, but that’s where we are likely to hang out.
You can find events or make one of your own.
Some may have gotten rid of Facebook, but they post many kid-friendly and free events. You can also host an event. A mom posted on my town’s Facebook page and simply said, “Let’s have a mom meet-up at this bar in town.” About 15 women showed up, and we just talked mom stuff all night, drinking and laughing. I love to drink wine, and so does my ideal mom tribe, so invite moms to a place you love. Chances are other moms love it, too, or are just interested in getting out of the house.
Join mom groups or blogs.
I signed up for Central Mass Moms specifically to find local kid-friendly events. Now, I contribute to the team and have amassed a new group of mom friends. Join local groups and groups with common interests.
Go as often as you can.
Rinse and repeat. Going to a playgroup or event once isn’t enough. Continuously exposing yourself to different people, places, and things will pay off.
Just say something.
It’s always a no if you don’t ask. If I didn’t reach out to my friend on Facebook, who knows when the next time I would see her again, if ever. I am so happy I sent her that semi-awkward/weird message. We’ve become so close. I have a mom friend right there when I just need to get out of the house because I feel like I am drowning, and I just want to spend $8 on an iced latte.
Finding a mom tribe to meet with in person is so valuable because being a mom is tough.
