If you’ve ever read up on relationships, you’ve likely come across the topic of love languages – how people most like to show and receive love. Some people feel most loved when their spouse unexpectedly empties the dishwasher. Another feels appreciated when they receive perfectly suited and thoughtful gifts. Some thrive on physical touch from their partner, others revel in positive and supportive words, while yet another yearns for focused time and attention.
Recently, it dawned on me and my husband that like us, our kids likely each have their own love language too. This felt like such an “aha” moment. Of course, love languages can be applied to all types of relationships in our lives, not just romantic ones. Our dear friends, our extended family, and of course, our children.
Now What?
Our enlightened moment was quickly met with a big pause – how do each of our kids feel most loved? Is it when they get hugs and cuddles or thoughtful birthday gifts? Or perhaps it’s time together without phones attached to our hands. Their favorite dinner served after a tough day? Kind words after a soccer game saying how proud we are?
So, we took some time to sit back and reflect. How do they show love to all of the special people in their lives? How do they like to be loved on?
Our Son
Our son is constantly writing little love notes for everyone in the family. His grandmother recently had a birthday and I kid you not, he made at least 12 cards for her, each more covered in hearts than the next. His younger sister’s dresser is covered with special notes he has made for her, each one describing how he loves her so much and that she is the best sister ever (do I plan to use these as proof that they do in fact love each other during their next big sibling brawl? Yes, yes I do). My closet door is also wallpapered with pictures and notes he has spent so much time making for me (I know these notes won’t last forever, so I treasure each and everyone!).
Halfway through this school year, reading really clicked for him. My husband and I realized this opened the door for us to write notes to him in his lunchbox. It’s just a few quick words showing our love written out each morning, paired with a silly stick figure drawing now and then. At the end of each day, we go through his backpack together. He is often beaming as he shows us his empty lunchbox and points out that day’s sticky note still firmly stuck where we placed it that morning.
Words of affirmation are the winner for our boy.
Our Daughter
On Friday afternoons, I help in the library at my son’s school. As I put away books, my husband puts his laptop away and spends focused, one-on-one time with our younger daughter.
When this schedule first started, it was a little tough for her. I often refer to her as my “barnacle baby”. Never far from my side and still begging to be held at three years old. Dad is okay in her book, but certainly he is not Momma.
What started as a tough transition has now turned into one of her most cherished times of the week. Our daughter often has a list of activities ready for them to do together and even grabs a snack for herself and Daddy.
Seeing this, it was clear that quality time spoke most to our daughter.
Knowing Their Love Languages
Of course, these two kiddos enjoy getting gifts (what kid doesn’t). And yes, kisses to heal a scraped knee, bedtime cuddles, and good morning hugs matter so much. Acts of service – I think they don’t yet truly realize how much others do for them. I think that will come with age and maturity. But it is so clear to us now that each kid has their favorite version of love from mom and dad. What a gift to know this and to be able to lean into these forms of love!
So, the question is, how do your kids love?
