Bubble wrap. Wouldn’t it be great if we could wrap our kids in it and protect them from all the dangers of life? While I’ve found myself craving this for my kids from time to time, the reality is that it would be doing them a giant disservice.
So, we have decided to let our kids practice taking measured risks now. We let them see what it feels like to be unsure, disappointed, and sometimes even a little hurt. The key is that we are by their side to help untangle all of those feelings during and after the fact.
Some day, our kids will be out in the big, wide world on their own. They will make numerous decisions, many of which will bear a fair amount of risk. Imagine if that was the first time they ever really had to face feelings of uncertainty, frustration, fear, and pain. By letting our children purposefully experience these things now, we hope to build a strong foundation of resilience, confidence, and problem-solving that will guide them as they navigate their adult lives.
How We Let Our Kids Practice Risk
“If you can climb up, you can climb down.”
This is my go-to phrase at playground structures, big climbing rocks, etc. My kids know that if they manage to climb up something, there is also a path back down. And that the path down isn’t “Mom, I’m stuck!”. Of course, I don’t just totally abandon them! I will use my words to give pointers like “reach your left foot down a bit more” or “there is a great place for your hand just a little farther over.” But, I try my best to stop there and not just carry them down in my arms. It helps them to plan by really taking a look at what they are doing before they start. It allows them to problem-solve in the moment. And finally, it helps them to learn to trust their body.
Let Them Make Informed “Wrong” Choices
We try to explain choices and the consequences that come with them. Then, we back off to allow them to decide. Of course, we aren’t letting them choose to, say wear bathing suits in a blizzard. But, we are letting them pick things that may not be the best choice each time. When they decide to not pack up their backpack until the moment we head out to school, they may forget a library book or homework assignment. Letting them make a small “wrong” choice and then see the consequences play out seems to make a bigger impact than just another lecture. Also, we would rather they practice making these kinds of “errors in judgment” around small things like library books, rather than trying them for the first time in their teenage age years with higher-risk choices.
Pushing the Boundaries of Independence
We often hike on the same local trails over and over. Both the grown-ups and kids know the way quite well. While we usually all stroll together and chat along the way, there are stretches where our kids take off running. They are well aware that when they run around a corner or over a small hill, we will lose sight of them. We can still hear their excited screeches as they tear down the trail, but to them, it is a great feeling of independence. It is amazing though, that after doing this numerous times, they have found their own threshold for how far is too far. Once they have run a good distance, it’s as though they know to not stray too far from safety. They will slow down and wait for us to catch up. I love how they found their balance of exploring while also knowing when to wait for the grown-ups. Again, imagine the value of this when they are older. Knowing when to push the limits, but also knowing when to pull back.
Why We Let Our Kids Practice Risk
Why increase our blood pressure and stress levels as we witness our kiddos take on risks? Because of the payoffs. The confidence and pride in their voices when they proclaim, “I did it, Mom!” after finally taking on a big climbing structure is priceless. Watching as they consider their next step while leaping from slippery moss-covered rock to rock in a stream is great. It’s as though you can see their brain firing up to creatively solve the problem at hand. Witnessing them develop body awareness as they move to navigate a large boulder on a hike feels just as special as watching them attempt to roll as an infant. It’s moments like these where you can see their growth right in front of you! And even more importantly, it is easy to see how this growth is laying a foundation for strong, emotionally aware, and resilient adults.
It gets easier each time we let our kids practice risk as they build both their physical and mental muscles for taking it on. Also, it gets a bit easier each time for you, as the parent! So, next time your kiddo decides to take a risk, remember your why. Offer some guidance, let them go ahead, and be there for them after, win or lose.
