Finding My Balance in Motherhood

What does “balance in motherhood” mean to you? Does it mean going to work 9-5 with a smile and then coming home to your child(ren) totally “on” then squeezing in a workout and then going to bed? Does it mean you choose to stay home with them and put your needs aside? Does it mean you work part-time and spend the rest of the time mothering? Whatever it is, I wonder if you feel any resistance to it as I did.

Balance or a Give-or-Take?

In my early years of motherhood (still feels early for me with a 5.5-year-old and almost 4-year-old), I would hear that word and say: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BALANCE! I believed that it was more of a give-or-take. There was no way I could give 100% to everyone and everything. I accepted the fact that certain things would ebb and flow with a lot of lack. Now I am in a season where I truly feel I have found some balance because I have completely let go of society’s definition and created my own. Something I would recommend to any new mother who asks for advice!

I worked full-time for about 6 months after my first was born. Then I stayed home for about 4 years with 2 children. During that time, I had a few side hustles, which was fun.  For years, I always felt that I would be an entrepreneur. When it was time for my littlest to start preschool, I knew in my heart that I needed to create a business. This would allow me to have flexibility in my schedule so I could still be the mother I wanted to be.

The Balancing Act

Balance REFRAME alert! When you are so passionate about what you do, it is very hard not to swing that pendulum hard to the “working” side. I would spend a lot of time on my phone in my children’s presence, totally checked out because you can now do EVERYTHING for work from your phone. GUILTY! Oh, you don’t have to tell me, I FELT it deeply. Send me compassion, not judgment, please.

Needless to say, at the end of the day, my heart did not feel great. Pouring everything I had into my business and not having enough for my children was NOT a balance. The true reality check came when my daughter told my husband that she wanted a mom who wasn’t on her phone so much. After hearing this, I spent an entire day in bed while my kids were at school. It was needed and so was her comment.

The Reframe

It was time to start practicing a lot of the things I had been reading about but had been avoiding. I have never had a high sense of self-worth, and I had been basing it on the success of my business. Pretty common for someone living in the generational pattern of the idea that “working hard” leads you to success. I was also fearful of being myself in front of my children. The thought of slowing down, not “doing”, and truly playing with my children scared the crap out of me. My nervous system was more comfortable being in production mode.

This did not match up to my priorities, and I was not meeting my emotional needs. I knew in my heart what was beneficial for myself and my kids but my mind was taking over. It is so easy for that to happen to all of us these days.

So what does matter most to me?

Well certainly my children and husband, but for me to be the best version of myself, loving myself needs to come first. My business is extremely important to me and it will come first every once in a while, but I know how to reel that back in now. I don’t know how many times the universe will provide this lesson for me to learn but that’s where grace and compassion come in. Meeting my own emotional needs is very new to me. Anyone on a healing journey would know that.

It’s been quite fun trying to figure out what truly fills me up and it is NOT the same as before having children. When that happened, the balance came back. Currently, it is Yoga, writing, reading, walking in nature, and creating a community for mothers. All of these things help me feel connected to myself. I created boundaries around working because I am not trying to save the world here. I consciously spend more present time with my children and leave my phone in another room. This is MY balance.