Maybe I’m late to the game…but I recently heard the quote “Comparison is the thief of joy” and it really hit home for me. As moms, we all want what is best for our kids and we want to give them an amazing life. But what does that look like? Looking at my own family, I’d say my kids DO have an amazing life. Two loving parents, two sets of grandparents, good health, clean home in a safe neighborhood, access to healthy food, ability to do extracurricular activities, and to go on local trips. We are truly blessed with a wonderful life.
So why is it that there can be this feeling of not being or having ENOUGH? Thoughts of “But we don’t…” can creep in. We don’t have a big yard, a swing set, a built-in trampoline, a huge house with extra bedrooms and garages, a fancy car, a swimming pool…we haven’t been to Disney World (yet), we don’t go out to expensive restaurants…the list could go on and on.
I think part of the reason moms feel this way is because when we open our social media feed, we are bombarded with a highlight reel of motherhood. Wow, look at that organized pantry! She rotates their toys!? The books are lined up by height and color. The whole family has matching outfits and everyone is smiling in their family photo shoot. They went on ANOTHER vacation? Oh wow, look at that star-shaped sandwich in their lunchbox. She makes homemade bread! We might think, “I guess all these moms are doing it better than me.”
Comparing yourself and your ability as a mother to others can truly STEAL the joy of motherhood.
You might be having a great day, then you meet another mom at the playground and you hear how her kids go to bed independently and sleep through the night. You think to yourself “My kids don’t do that…I must be doing something wrong.” Suddenly your joy has diminished. What you might not see is that these children may struggle with other issues that were not obvious to you. Remember, we don’t know everything about someone. Nobody is perfect, even if they appear to be!
Getting together with family and friends is great, but when there are a lot of young children all around the same age, it can be tough not to compare. Whose kids are meeting their speech milestones? Who is a selective eater vs who is eating all of their meal? Which kids are having tantrums and which kids are going with the flow? Who scored in the soccer game? These thoughts can be intrusive and it all comes down to comparing our kids/life/situation to others.
Since hearing the quote “Comparison is the thief of joy”, I have been intentional about not comparing myself to others. There will always be another child who sleeps better, eats better, and has fewer tantrums. There will always be another family with a bigger house, fancier vacations, and nicer cars. There will always be a mom with nicer hair, perfect makeup, and stylish clothes. Guess what? None of this stuff matters. We need to strive to be great parents for the sake of our children…not so we can impress other parents at the bus stop. What you see at face value does not tell the whole story. The material possessions someone has does not tell us how happy their home is. The way someone portrays themselves in public may or may not be reflective of what goes on behind the scenes.
Here are some tips to help you get the most joy out of motherhood:
- Focus on what you have, not what you don’t have. A mindset shift like this can make you appreciate what you have, not what you lack.
- Seek contentment. If you can’t be content with what you have, you may never find true happiness. There will always be a yearning for “more”. You might get a brand new car but next year there is a new version. We, unfortunately, live in a society that is preoccupied with “stuff”, but when is enough, enough?
- Stop comparing yourself to other moms. Strive to be the best version of YOURSELF, not someone else.
- Do a social media cleanout. Again, social media is mostly a highlight reel of best moments and posed photos. It doesn’t necessarily represent someone’s real life. Unfollow people who don’t deserve to take up space in your mind.
And remember, comparison, especially in motherhood, is the thief of joy.
