I recently had to have an MRI. When I mentioned to a few people at work why I wouldn’t be there, I realized I was actually really looking forward to the MRI. I could lie there in relative quiet (sure, there’s banging, but it’s with music and headphones on) without being able to do anything else. I figured I must really need a break if an MRI seems enjoyable. But I’ve had breaks. My husband takes the kids out for a few hours fairly regularly. There’s a little time after the kids go to sleep. I’ve even been on a couple of girls’ trips in the last year. Why did 40 minutes in a metal tube seem like a vacation?
With the anticipation of my upcoming vacation (paid for by medical insurance), I couldn’t stop thinking about how stressful life has become for an MRI to be appealing. To be clear, there is no crisis or particularly challenging issues going on right now. I mean day-to-day life as a working mother of two small children. And I have a ton to be grateful for: a great husband who is an involved father, a house, a stable job, and a small but supportive village.
There is so much content out there about the stress of motherhood – everything from sharing the mental load with a partner, finding affordable quality childcare, to getting everyone to their activities while still having a nutritious dinner. And then there are the “cures” for this stress, like self-care, meal planning, self-help books, etc. Spoiler alert: You won’t find any solutions or life hacks in this article.
I also recalled an episode of the podcast The Daily called “The Parents Aren’t All Right,” which does an amazing job summarizing the pressure facing parents right now and how parenting has evolved over the last several decades. Did you know that the surgeon general put out an advisory, as they’ve done for smoking and guns, saying that raising children is so difficult now that it’s causing parents too much stress and negatively affecting their mental health?
Before I had kids, I think I probably would have rolled my eyes at the notion that parenting needed to come with a warning label. How could parenting be any harder than it used to be? But it’s real. I would venture to say that I know more mothers than not who have sought help for their mental health. Many are taking antidepressants/anti-anxiety medication and/or are in therapy. I also think that most fathers are generally more involved in their children’s lives than they were a few decades ago.
Regardless of how or why we got to this place as a society, it’s not okay, and something needs to change. I don’t have the answers. All any of us can do is find small things that may reduce the stress and mental load, even just a little bit. Maybe when I come up with enough of these things, I’ll write a more uplifting, helpful piece. I hope it is a little helpful to hear that it’s not just you who thinks parenting is harder than it should be.
The MRI was 40 minutes of being responsible for nothing. I couldn’t check my phone or email. I couldn’t be with my kids. I couldn’t do laundry. No one needed me. And I didn’t feel the guilt that comes along with taking a break because it was the doctor’s orders. If that’s what it takes for a mom to get a true break, I’m in.
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