Quality Time Over Time

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All it takes to send a working parent into a tailspin is to search for the definition of quality time. Whatever your role as a parent or your parenting style, I imagine we’ve all felt like we need to spendquality timewith those we love, especially our children. That begs the question though, what is quality time? Is it sitting together in front of the TV for a Bluey marathon? Sometimes. Is it a screen-free picnic at the park? Why not? Is it a five-minute cup of hot cocoa before rushing through the morning routine to get to sports on time? Absolutely. Quality time, to me, is time spent together focusing on your loved one’s interests and feelings that are meaningful to both—or all parties involved. Without meaningful quality time focusing on each other, we miss out on building and strengthening relationships.

Quality Time Through the Ages

With the littles

My favorite pastime when my daughter was an infant was snuggling with her while she slept or as she fell asleep. She didn’t have the skills to tell me anything, but like most babies, behavior and body language were the biggest indicators in assessing her comfort and needs. Quality time for a baby is being mindful of and taking care of their needs and being there for them when they need it. As my daughter got a little bit older, she could gesture, mumble, and crawl into my lap to tell me what quality time meant for her.

For school-aged children

School is quite an adjustment for families. Kids are figuring out how to become students and manage a long and rigorous day of learning while parents figure out how to support them and in some cases how to get through the day in their absences. This has shifted my perspective of what quality time should look like. Some days, our quality time is a five-minute cuddle session before the chaos of dinner, homework, and bedtime routines, while other days we plan a day or activity together.

Some of my favorite experiences are the spontaneous trips to the park with a few snacks. Or a dance party before bed. But recently one of the opportunities for quality time that we’ve built into our routine is after my daughter is in bed and she wants to either read a book together or she wants to be tickled. It could last two minutes or twenty, but when she tells me how much she likes it and it helps her to sleep, I am reminded of why it’s so important to take those moments and really bond.

In adolescents

I’m not yet in the adolescent stage with my own daughter, but I see my family and friends with teens and think back on my own experience as a teenager. Teenagers don’t always want to spend time with their parents.  So take advantage of the time you can spend together – go shopping for that dress or suit, bring them to get an iced coffee during a winter storm, continue traditions from childhood in movie nights, or make your own pizzas. Teenagers and preteens want to grow up so fast and be independent, so keep that special activity or find a way to build time into their preferred activities to maintain and foster that relationship.

As adults

Can we just talk about how quality time with our kids should not end just because they become adults? I value time with my parents more now than I remember in my youth. While I wish I could say we do Sunday dinners or weekly get-togethers, the reality is that life is busy and I don’t have a consistent time when I see my parents. However, sometimes it’s a quick text chat at 5:30am or an impromptu visit because you need to borrow that large pot for meatballs. However you do it, find the time.  That time with your adult children or parents if you are still in the role of child – won’t last forever. This stage may mean the most to both parties. Being a child with a child, my outlook on family and its importance has shifted.

What Other Moms Say

I asked some other moms what they consider quality time with their kids, and here was what they said:

  • Reading before bed
  • Playing with Playdoh
  • Playing with cars
  • Snuggling and play
  • Talking with them
  • Going out to eat
  • Taking walks
  • Going to the playground
  • Hiking
  • Running errands together
  • Watching tv together
  • Cooking together
  • Going for drives
  • Visiting the library

Whatever quality time looks like to you, savor it. Enjoy the small things as much as the big things. Ask your kids what their favorite memories are, and you might redefine quality time. I know I have redefined this several times over the past six years, and I expect to continue to do so.

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