Motherhood is not for the weak. It is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. The reward of it all is infinite, but it certainly doesn’t come easy! At the end of the day, I often find myself saying, “If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry!” So, to keep the laughs going, what if we imagined motherhood was a game? There would be different editions and expansion packs, of course. Read on to see how many points you can get!
Pregnancy Edition
- 50 points if you successfully swat away a stranger’s hand from your baby bump.
- Take away 80 points for every time someone tells you it looks like you could go into labor any moment.
- If this is your second time playing the pregnancy edition, subtract 20 points for each time your toddler mocks your throw-up sounds while you battle through morning sickness.
- 10 points for each day you take your prenatal vitamins without choking on them. Why must they be so giant?
Grocery Store Edition
- Earn 10 points if you got in, got what you needed (and nothing more), and got out.
- Add 8 points if you remembered your keys, wallet, phone, and reusable bags AND your tiny human.
- Minus 36 points for every time your kid asks to push the cart and immediately drives it into your achilles. Minus another 40 points if they push the cart into a stranger’s ankles.
- Subtract 90 when your sweet angel asks very loudly why that man over there has such a silly-looking face.
- Get 15 points for just smiling when an old lady tells you, “It looks like you have your hands full!” Same goes for “You’re going to miss this.”
- Minus 3 points for each green pepper, banana, or other produce item your teething child sinks their new teeth into. Subtract even more if they poke their fingers through the plastic wrap on the raw ground beef package.
Laundry Edition
- Add 10 points if you checked pockets and kept pinecones, pebbles, and tiny Legos from clogging up your washer.
- Minus 2 points if you forgot to remove a sticker from a shirt and now there is a weird sticky film forever melded to your kid’s favorite shirt.
- Earn 45 points if you see the whole process through without having to rewash the load of laundry because you forget it for days in the washer, and it now smells of mildew.
Sickness Edition
- Add 20 points if you have Motrin on hand and ready to go when the 103.2 fever hits.
- Minus 86 points if you use your hands as a receptacle for vomit in a moment of panic.
- Earn 30 points when you thank your past self for putting two layers of mattress pads and sheets on the bed so you can just easily peel off the gross layer when your kiddo gets sick at 3am.
School Edition
- Earn 100 points if you and the teacher both agree to not believe everything you hear about the other from your kid.
- Minus 50 points when your kid tells you that the student they sit next to puked on the playground today.
School Drop Off Expansion Pack
- Minus 30 points for getting to school drop off, and your kid casually mentions they signed you up to bring brownies for the class that day.
- Rack up 50 points when you’re late, but another equally frazzled mom gives you a knowing smile of camaraderie.
- If you have selected the introvert version of the game, earn 10 points for not having to make small talk with anyone else as you drop off your little cherub. If you have the extrovert version, award yourself 13 points for exchanging numbers with a mom you’ve been exchanging waves and hellos, and pleasantries with for the past 8 weeks.
So, let’s hear it, what is your score? All-time high score or better luck next week? Either way, just keep on laughing so we can keep on mothering!
