As moms, our free time is limited to non-existent. Making sure the other members of your family have everything they need comes naturally. Doing anything for yourself, on the other hand? Those opportunities are few and far between, probably require childcare coverage, and are often accompanied by mom guilt.
Picture this: it’s Saturday afternoon. The kids are happily playing. You have an entire list of things you could do: fold that load of laundry, organize the playroom, research the sport your oldest wants to try, or even ask the kids if they want to bake cookies. Picking up that book that’s been on your TBR for months or doing your nails doesn’t really cross your mind. If it’s doing something for you or the kids, of course, you’re picking the kids. If you did something for yourself first, you would be overwhelmed with mom guilt. You’re not doing what you’re supposed to do. A good mom puts her kids first ALWAYS. What would it be like if taking time for yourself didn’t cause crushing mom guilt?
How do you ditch the mom guilt?
Try this mindset: Doing things for me benefits my kids, too. Think about the last time you had time for yourself…when you’re partner took the kids in the morning and you got to sleep in, when you dropped the kids off with grandma to go grocery shopping alone, even when you got to shower by yourself. How did you feel after? It was a mini reset, and you came back to your kids a better version of yourself, ready to be present for them.
What if you thought about time for yourself like that?
Focus on how it makes you more patient, you’re able to better handle unexpected changes or problems, and you’ll free up some brain space. And so much more!
I’ll say it again for the people in the back. Doing things for yourself is beneficial for your kids. That’s great, but what does it look like day to day, especially without a village?
Here are a couple of ways that work for me and my toddler so that I can do self-care without the mom guilt:
- I grab something easy (crackers, banana, clementine) & put it in a bowl on the coffee table for him while I make us breakfast (or any meal). This takes the edge off his hunger enough to give me a couple of extra minutes to make myself a real breakfast and start my coffee.
- I rotate his toys out and switch them out right before I’m going to work out. The “new” toys buy me a few extra minutes of independent play and uninterrupted workout time.
- He “helps” make dinner. He used to be so clingy. Now he brings his toddler tower over and gets a bowl and some measuring cups to play with, so I can make dinner without him hanging on my leg.
These ideas might work for you, but they might not. The cool thing is that there’s a way to personalize everything to your family and your kids’ needs. This takes some creative thinking, and I LIVE for an out-of-the-box but effective strategy. It’s one of my favorite things to problem solve in my wellness work with other mamas.
Could your kid stay in the bath for hours? Let’s do yoga on the bath mat. Is your kid obsessed with trucks? Here’s a Tupperware of rice to make a construction site in the kitchen. Do you kids flock to a flashlight like moths to a flame? It’s time to order a disco party light to plug in while you drink your morning coffee.
Once you make the shift from “me time is selfish” to “me time makes me a better mom,” there isn’t a wave of mom guilt every time you take time for yourself. Imagine how that version of you shows up for your kids and, most importantly, yourself. And what a difference it could make in how you feel about yourself.
