Whether you’re recently single or have been for a while, the holidays can be a difficult time. You may be fulfilled in your life—surrounded by your kids, your family, and your friends, but that doesn’t stop the feelings of loneliness. Whatever triggers those lonely moments, just know that you are not the only one experiencing them.
It doesn’t matter how centered or content you are, how happy or fulfilled or focused you feel. Loneliness strikes in those brief moments—you just want that closeness, that connection, that feeling that you are special. Unfortunately, you can’t stop it; all you can do is live through it. Some of us may notice that lonely feeling briefly, while others hold onto it for longer periods. You have to acknowledge it and make a choice. Are you going to focus on what you have, what matters to you, and what awaits you, or are you going to let those thoughts take over? While you cannot control when the loneliness hits you, you can choose how to let it impact you.
Allow Yourself to Feel
Take the time to understand what you are feeling. Don’t let it bring you down, but don’t pretend it isn’t there. Sadness, loneliness, anger—there is a place for those feelings. Too often, we shove our emotions aside without really processing them. But sometimes, we need to feel them and know they are there so we can move forward healthily. Once you can acknowledge that you are sad or lonely, you can decide if it is something you need to accept and let go of, or if you need to do something about it.
What Next?
Once you’ve really figured out what’s happening in those moments, you can decide what comes next. Are you at a point where you want to put yourself out there and try to meet someone because the loneliness is a void in your life that you want to fill? Are you experiencing those fleeting moments you see in Hallmark movies, and you just need to remember that those are the movies? Maybe it’s time to call in your reinforcements—the people in your inner circle who you lean on when you’re feeling low. Whatever you need to do to bring joy into those moments, do that. Even just small bits of joy and positivity can make a huge difference in lifting your spirits. What’s important is that you are doing what makes sense for you—alone or with support.
Balancing You as a Person and You as a Single Mom
One of the hardest things when you are in that place and feeling lonely or down is that life continues. You are a parent and will have to push through some of the emotions to continue being a single mom. But it’s important to really acknowledge yourself as an individual as well. You can miss and grieve the past. You can put your happy face aside and be real with yourself. You might have to pick when and where to do that, but don’t forget that you, as a person, need support and stability to be the parent your children need. Don’t let that fact get buried until things become too overwhelming or you’re feeling too alone or sad, or frustrated. Take the time to acknowledge where you are at and what, if anything, needs to change, so you can be the best self and parent.
Don’t be afraid to be honest about how you are feeling and what you need to feel better. You have people in your life for this very reason. This holiday season, try to engage in self-care, recharge with friends, and plan a fun seasonal get-together with your friends and/or family.
