Finding Local Mom Friends

When my husband and I moved to Bolton in 2017 and had our first son a couple of years later, it became my mission to find local mom friends. I had known my closest friends since high school, and we have the kind of relationship that picks right back up regardless of how much time has passed. Because my interactions with them had become texts, phone tag, occasional visits, and girls’ trips, I had been longing for a group of mom friends with the same comfort and connection, but in the same zip code. 

Here are some of the things I learned on my quest for finding local mom friends:

Put yourself out there.

When I first moved to Bolton, I joined their Parks and Rec Commission to meet people in town. When my son was born, I went to events at First Connections in Acton and joined a Facebook group for First Connections’ moms of babies born in the summer of 2019. I went to gatherings posted in that group with people I had never met. When everyone was beginning to socialize again after COVID, I joined a Facebook group for caregivers of toddlers in Bolton and went to meetups. Using my teaching background, I even led a toddler playgroup through Bolton’s Parks and Rec Department. These attempts weren’t all successful in terms of helping me find a group of mom friends, but they led to many connections and some lasting friendships.

If a group or space doesn’t exist, make one.

Bolton already had a mom’s Facebook group, but when a local mom created a group specifically for caregivers of babies and toddlers, many parents were eager to join. Most of those moms were meeting up for walks during the week while I was at work, so I volunteered to organize weekend meetups. There will always be moms looking for connections. If you build it, they will come.

Find people with specific commonalities or who are going through the same stage of motherhood.

The most successful connections I made were in very specific groups. The First Connections’ moms of babies born in the summer of 2019, and a town Facebook group for caregivers of toddlers. There are also opportunities to join groups or classes based on common interests. As your child gets to be preschool-age and older, there will be sports games, birthday parties, and school events where you’ll be on the sidelines with the same parents. I found that the more specific the connection, the easier it is for conversations to flow.

Making mom friends can feel like dating.

I got discouraged when I was meeting many moms, but wasn’t making close friendships. No one came to one of the meetups I organized at a playground, and it felt a little like getting stood up for a date. Just like after having a series of bad first dates or short relationships, I started to wonder if there was something wrong or off-putting about me. Was I too desperate? Is playing hard to get a thing when making friends? Did I talk too much? Not enough? I made friends as a kid – why is it so hard now? Taking the step of asking a mom acquaintance for her number took more guts than I remember ever needing to have when I was actually dating.

Acts of kindness go a long way.

Doing something thoughtful for a new friend or acquaintance shows that you value their friendship and are open to building a stronger connection.

Fast forward to the end of 2022, right before my second son was born. The connections I had made were finally paying off. I took my son to a birthday party, and there I saw a mom I had met from the Bolton toddler group who lived down the street from me. We hadn’t realized we had a mutual friend. While the kids went wild at the Apex Center, I chatted with some other moms at the party. The mom from down the street invited me to her birthday party, which was later that day. There, I chatted with some of the same moms from the kid party earlier in the day. I found out that they had become friends through a fitness class.

At the time, I was nine months pregnant, and one of the moms whom I had just met at these parties brought my family dinner right after my second son was born a few weeks later. I took that as a sign that she enjoyed our conversations, or at least was an incredibly kind person. After seeing some of these birthday party moms at a couple of other events, I put myself out there by inviting them and their families over for s’mores in our backyard. When a few of them came and all went well, it felt like maybe this was the start of something, just like getting a text from a guy right after a great first date.

Recently, I got back from a girls’ trip for my 40th birthday with these mom friends, and I feel so grateful to have found a group of people I click with. We have kids around the same ages who get along, we parent similarly, we have compatible values, and we have some commonalities in our backgrounds. I finally found my people, and you can too.