“I’m free three Saturdays from now or at 10 am next Thursday…what about you?” Is it just me, or does the calendar fill up way too fast with the kids’ activities and family stuff? Trying to make plans with friends requires 5-8 weeks’ notice, and even then, there’s a 50/50 chance that someone might be sick and you’ll have to reschedule. Talk about an emotional rollercoaster. You’re feeling sad that you won’t see your friend, but you completely understand putting their kids first. Not to mention, your friend is feeling the same: feeling one hundred percent valid in staying home to take care of her kids and simultaneously wishing she could split herself in two and not miss out.
In between those times when the stars align, staying connected can be a struggle. There’s so much to keep up with in my own household and family. It’s really easy to get stuck in my own bubble and realize I’ve only been communicating with my friends through memes and sending emoji reactions to pictures of the kids. You can only know so much about what’s going on with someone by the highlight reel they share in their social media updates. It gets lonely without that deeper connection that you can only get in person.
It feels really isolating. You don’t have anyone who knows the ins and outs of what you’re going through day to day. Because sporadic text exchanges don’t lend themselves to deep conversations, things stay surface level with the friends you used to go to for everything. It wasn’t even something I even realized was happening until I felt the loss of connection. It snuck up on me during the newborn haze of my son’s first year.
I wish I had advice for you if you’re feeling disconnected, too. The only thing I can say is that different things work for different seasons. FaceTime and phone calls worked really well in the newborn phase. Meeting up for a stroller walk was great until he was walking and squirmy. I went through a phase where I convinced myself that meeting up for story time or at a park was an option. But quickly learned that you can’t have a conversation when you’re chasing toddlers in opposite directions. Lately, the winner for us has been playdates at home. The kids are contained and content in one space, and the adults can actually talk.
If I had to sum it up in a few words, this is what I’d say to my friends:
To my stay-at-home mom friends: I love that we can get the kids together on a random Monday afternoon. Letting the kids go wild in our playrooms while I get some adult interaction helps me keep my sanity.
To my working mom friends: Thank you for making time for me on the weekends. You only have two days at home, and I appreciate you giving me some of your precious free time.
To my kid-free friends: Thank you for waiting for me when I’m running late. For loving on my kiddo and entertaining him in the restaurant as we catch up. And for watching the stuff as I chase him down. I hope you know how precious those times are when we can hang out just the two of us, and I wish we could do it more often, too.
