While I was pregnant with my second baby, I got lots of advice from second-time moms on how to adjust and ease the transition, both for myself, and for my daughter. Some parents told me your life is already set to a toddler schedule, so having a second one doesn’t change all that much. Others said having two kids is 2.5 times the work because they’re never in need of the same things at the same time. Of all the advice, there were two suggestions in particular that I found invaluable. I now share them with any mom I know expecting her second child.
Tell The Baby to Wait
Newborn needs can feel urgent when their only means of communication is a shrill cry. As the older sibling to a newborn, it isn’t fun to constantly be told your needs will be addressed after the baby’s. “I’ll get you a snack after I finish feeding the baby.” “Hold on, the baby is crying.” I can think of a dozen phrases like this I’ve uttered to my toddler.
Then, a dear friend told me that she had started telling the baby to wait, and it worked miracles. To a toddler, it doesn’t really even matter if the baby is actually in need of something. What’s important is the message it sends that they aren’t the only ones having to wait. If your older child asks for something, just throw in a quick, “Sure. Baby, you’ll have to wait while I get big sis some milk”. Baby could be sleeping for all it matters. The beauty of this idea is that baby doesn’t have to be in need of something for the message to come across that big bro/sis is your priority too.
Tell Big Brother/Sister That Baby Loves Them
The other piece of advice that I now tell all soon-to-be second time moms is this: tell big brother or sister that baby loves them. As soon as I heard this idea, I tried it out and saw a total shift in my toddler’s behavior almost immediately. It turned her baby brother into a real member of the family for her, putting the words out in the air that he couldn’t yet say.
I would tell my toddler things like, “baby loves you so much”, and “baby thinks he is so lucky that you are his big sister”. Her eyes would light up and a sweet smile would wash across her face. Before long, she would start telling me, “baby loves me”, and began asking to hug him, hold him, and wanted to play an active role in caring for him (as much as a 2-year-old can).
Anyone with more than one child will tell you, the transition isn’t easy. It definitely takes time to adjust to a new baby, but these two simple ideas made it a whole lot easier at our house.
If you’re expecting your second, or are in the thick of it, I hope these ideas help!
