If you have been on social media in the past decade, you have likely been bombarded with calls to change your mindset. For a long time, I could not decouple mindset work from the concept of toxic positivity – or the phenomenon where the push to stay positive comes at all costs and glosses over the reality of the hard things we go through as humans and moms. So, I avoided it!
Over time, I have come to experience how powerful, real, and grounded mindset shifts for moms can be. They are not simply about staying in a positive frame of mind (though that does help at times). They allow us to choose to frame things differently, which can lead to better mental health, wellness, and overall quality of life. As we head into the new school year, I will share five mindset shifts for moms that have had a significant impact on my life – and that I hope will support you, too.
Original Thought: I am so busy all the time.
Mindset Shift: I am living a lot of life right now!
As moms, we are busy all the time. And yet, when we get stuck in thinking about how busy we are, it is easy to lose sight that a whole lot of the things we are doing are actually really awesome things that we get to be doing. A full life is inherently full of all sorts of things – so instead of sitting in a place of calling it busy, I like to embrace all the beautiful life happenings that are going on.
Original Thought: This is all so hard, and I feel like I am failing every day.
Mindset Shift: This is all so hard. I am doing my best with what I have, and that is enough.
We must acknowledge how hard motherhood is. At times it all feels impossible. What we can do, is our best. And our best will look different on any given day. If we are operating at 40% for whatever reason – we are sick, we are grieving, we are struggling – and we give our kids 40% that day – they will be okay. As long as we are providing the most important baseline of love and meeting their basic needs – the rest will follow.
Original Thought: I have no time for myself.
Mindset Shift: Taking time for myself is a gift to myself and my family.
Motherhood exhaustion and burnout are very real phenomena, and we need to work hard to push past any feelings that we do not deserve time for ourselves. I’m going to tell you right now – we do. I know it is hard to do, but we must take time for ourselves. There are a million reasons why this is true. The one I like to focus on is the fact that I am more than a mom – I’m a whole human with my own needs, wants, desires, and dreams – and all of that makes me a better mom. So taking care of my own mental, physical, and spiritual wellness makes me more powerful, and a better mother.
Original Thought: I have to do X, Y, and Z.
Mindset Shift: I get to do X, Y, and Z.
This is one of my favorite mindset shifts for moms. There are a lot of things we need to do as moms that are not always fun or meaningful. Personally, packing lunches is on the list of things I wish I never had to do again (even though I love to cook!). When I find myself needing to do something I don’t want to do, I try to shift my mindset and remind myself that it is something I get to do. I am lucky to provide nutritious food for my children. I get to make them lunches every day, and I do not take that for granted.
Original Thought: It feels like I am so alone in this.
Mindset Shift: It takes courage and intention, but I can find my people to walk through this wild experience with.
We were never meant to do all of this alone. We live in an individualistic society, where most of us are taught from a young age that we should value independence and go after what we (I) want. I think that many other parts of the world, and many cultures, do this far better. They embrace the collective. It takes courage to show up at Central Mass Mom events, to DM someone you think looks interesting and invite them to coffee, to sign up for a moms group, to say hello at the library, or to reach out to a therapist. And yet, all of that courage can lead to beautiful friendships, support systems, and a reminder that we can look to others to be in this with us. We are brave, thoughtful, beautiful souls – let’s do this together.
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