Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think I’m alone in this—women, mothers especially, are expected to fill any and every role out there at the drop of a hat. Typically, I do this seamlessly, often enjoying the moments I can be the nurse and savior or the friend and confidant. But sometimes, I need a break. Sometimes, I don’t want to walk through the door after a long day of work and shift from employee to cook; chauffeur to maid. This does not apply only to my immediate family—this happens with my extended family, my friends, and even my colleagues at the office.
As a nurturing person, I am often looked to for advice, support, and a shoulder to cry on. I am consistently giving others advice and suggestions on how to balance their responsibilities and prioritize their needs and wants without guilt. Why is it so easy to help others put themselves first but I struggle myself? Why does it seem selfish to take care of ourselves? How is it we can tell someone else exactly what they are worth, but we view ourselves as second to others?
This year, I told myself I was worth it. I don’t know if something that was already there finally clicked, or if I came to a new and sudden realization that I am worth so much more when I am physically and mentally well. I can give more and be more for those around me when I am energized and invigorated. That means that I have to take time for myself and really nurture my core before I can be someone for another person. This led me down the path of what is self-care. And what is the purpose?
What do you imagine when someone says self-care?
Is it a steaming hot bath with sudsy bubbles? A glass of wine and a cozy seat by a fire? A mani-pedi followed by a hot stone massage? That’s what I used to think self-care was. For me, those things are either unrealistic or completely unappealing. The idea of self-care became anxiety-provoking. I need to engage in self-care as a way to re-energize, but the idea of participating in self-care activities started a spiral of feeling more unwell and more in need of this almighty “self-care” ritual.
Self-care isn’t what someone tells you it is.
Self-care is exactly what you, the “self” need it to be. For a friend of mine, shopping is self-care. For my husband, driving aimlessly is self-care. And for me, I am truly still exploring what self-care is. What I have found is that it changes constantly. One week, it is taking a three-mile walk while attempting to listen to the same podcast five times. The next one is gossiping with a friend over a bottle of wine. Sometimes it is sitting in a room with my eyes closed and with no distractions.
Self-care and prioritizing yourself are essential.
My takeaway from this experience is that self-care and prioritizing yourself are essential, but it is also yours to navigate without anyone telling you what is or is not right for you. Do in the moment what feels right to you and what leaves you feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Ask for and take advice if you feel the need. But only you can truly understand and decide what makes sense for you. And what will help you be in the right headspace to fill all the roles asked of you throughout a day, week, or month.
