Who will our children be when they are adults? Of course, they will contain bits of who they are now, pieces of what we teach them along the way, and aspects of what they experience through the years. But we can’t know for sure who they will become.
The Future
I certainly have hopes for what my children’s futures might look like. I don’t care what kind of car they drive, or career they pursue, or part of the country they choose to call home. My hopes are about the kind of people they will become, the love they surround themselves with, and the attitudes they bring to the world. My husband and I realized that it would be silly to simply wish for the best in our children’s futures. Instead, we are focusing on the actions we take every day—the way we live, speak, and love. These can serve as gentle guidance to shape our children into their future selves.
Relationships
I hope my children find loving, healthy, and respectful relationships as adults. And this goes for more than just their future partner in life, but also in their broader family, their friendships, and communities. We make sure our kids see my husband and me respect each other’s interests, support their passions, and just love one another for all of their good and bad parts.
By surrounding ourselves with our extended family (and friends who are like family), we teach our children to see how wonderful it is to be loved on, but also how special it is to care for those important people in our lives.
Finally, we make a point to build a community around ourselves. We try to be active in our town by volunteering with the kids’ schools and sports teams. It takes time and energy, but we really value the roles that we play and the connection they bring us. Knowing names and faces of our kids’ friends, teachers, and classmates brings their day-to-day stories to life.
Curiosity
I hope our children stay curious as they grow. It is all too easy to move from the “why why whys” of the toddler years to the dull view of “because that’s just how things are.” We try our very best to look up answers to our kids’ unique and seemingly unending questions as they try to find their place in the world. Most recently, a few questions about space led to a really fun conversation about why it doesn’t feel like we are spinning when the Earth is flying around and why we only have leap years every four years.
In a similar vein, we want our kids to be willing to try new things, even when they are hard. I recently started practicing my Spanish skills on Duolingo. We all got a good chuckle from hearing me work my way through some tricky pronunciations, but I hope they can look back and remember me wanting to learn something just for the fun of it, even if it wasn’t easy.
Adversity and Empathy
Our children will face tough challenges in their lives. It’s a part of the human experience, and we can’t prevent it. What we can do is show them what it is like to face adversity and how to ask for help during those times. On a very small scale, they witnessed this when I revisited running this past summer. My blotchy, red post-run face and ragged breath certainly showed them how hard it was for me. They watched me continue to lace up my shoes on hot days, rainy days, and days when I wanted to simply be one with the couch. They saw me connect with a friend who enjoys running to get an extra boost of moral support. With each encouraging text, they saw how having someone to turn to can carry you forward.
Finally, we want our kids to be empathetic. When a close friend was recently diagnosed with cancer, it wasn’t even a question; we showed up with food, rides to treatment, and support. We want our children to know that love and compassion aren’t just feelings; they are actions.
Overall
As parents, we like to think we have command over so many things, but in reality, we rarely do. Ultimately, who are children will be as adults is up to them. For now, we will guide them the best we can as we watch their stories unfold.
