Being an only child has been a paradox. I had my mother’s undivided attention, but found it hard to get anything past her. I grew up very close to my cousins, like sisters, but they had to go home at the end of the day, and I was in my room alone. All the mischief I could conceive of had my name alone, with no one to help devise a better plan. On Christmas Day, all the presents under the tree were mine, but if it was a board game, I had a bit of trouble finding someone to play it with.
Growing up as an only child.
When I tell people I am an only child, I receive a lot of comments like, “You must not like to share,” or “You must be so spoiled.” It’s as if I am a spoiled, selfish, and lonely narcissist. Are these some sort of preconceived personality traits that come with being an only child? To say that only children are predestined to be horrible kids just because they don’t have siblings is quite stupid, to be frank.
Being an only child has shaped my personality in many ways, both obvious and unseen. I enjoy being the center of attention and think I could start my comedy show every day, but sometimes feel like I always have to be on. I often desire alone time, yet I also find it quite stifling. At least 3-5 times a week, I talk to my mom. I can see the effects of not having a sibling in how I handle my friendships at times. I am like a golden retriever when it comes to friendships. You text me, hey? I will respond ASAP. You need to call me? I will answer after the first ring. You want to hang out? Let’s make a weekend out of it! My anxiety creeps in, and I often worry that I may come off as too overwhelming, eager, or pushy for a super-close relationship like what some siblings have. It’s not exclusive to only children, but I do wonder if I would be this way if I had siblings to obsess over.
Navigating aging parents as an only child.
Now that I am older, I think about what it would be like to have a sibling. With my parents growing older, I sometimes wish I could burden a brother or sister with their antics. Like my father dating again, or my mother’s insistent need to buy my son all the toys his heart desires. To complain to a sibling about how they are driving me crazy would be nice. I think about when my mom and dad won’t be here. I don’t have someone to co-shoulder the burden of my parents’ aging. It’s a harsh reality thinking about their care being all in my hands.
Before having a kid, I was determined to have more than one.
I thought I was the only one without siblings, while all my friends and cousins had them, so I wanted to provide that experience for my child. However, when my son was born, I was taken aback by motherhood and astonished that anyone in their right mind would have another child. I felt secure in having only one kid because I truly understand that reality. When friends of mine revealed they were also on the one-and-done train, it surprised me. They all had siblings, and I assumed they would want to give that experience to their children.
I didn’t feel like something was missing in my life.
I never asked my parents for a sibling. I’ve witnessed people not like their siblings and find them unbearably annoying, especially in the teenage years. Some talk to their siblings constantly, but some only speak to them at family functions. I know some siblings who don’t even talk to each other, so this “unbreakable sibling bond” some speak of is indeed breakable.
I turned out pretty great (I think), and my son has explicitly said that when asked if he wants a sibling, he has a cousin. He has expressed that he likes it just us. He is only 3 years old, but his feelings are real and valid. My husband’s feelings on wanting another child are valid as well.
I am a person who worries about everything long before I need to. Will I regret not having another baby in the future? Do I feel like something is missing in my family? Taking on the responsibility of raising not just one child to not be a jerk, but also two or more, feels overwhelming. I am fiercely independent but also a bit needy, which might stem from being an only child, and that is okay. I am fully capable of helping my parents navigate their older years by myself, and I know I am more than equipped to assist my son on his journey because we are the same. At least for right now.
