I often joke that I am on the delayed track, but I’ve learned that if I did it any other way, odds are that I wouldn’t have met my husband or had my wonderful kids. I hope that sharing some of the experiences and lessons I learned along my journey will shed light on a few of the unexpected things to consider and be helpful to other moms who are debating going back to school.
Shift in my priorities
I struggled through college my first go-around, barely eking out a bachelor’s degree that I didn’t end up using. Most of my twenties were spent working odd jobs, waitressing, dog walking, emergency dispatching, and group fitness coaching. But my first pregnancy shifted my priorities, and I had a newfound vision of having a career with a steady paycheck that allowed for nights, weekends, and holidays home with my family.
So I embarked on what has now been a 5-and-a-half-year journey to get a master’s degree. Ironically, I started this journey pregnant and will be ending it pregnant as well! This spring, I will graduate and sit for the national exam to become a certified occupational therapist just in time for my third child to arrive.
These past 5+ years of learning how to be a mom, a student, and, eventually, an occupational therapist, have been a rollercoaster ride, but I have come out the other side with a much better sense of my personal priorities and professional identity. Those are two things that were never in sharp focus for me before I had kids or went back to school.
Advice for “non-traditional” grad students
As adult learners, or as they like to call us, “non-traditional” students, it’s useful to be pragmatic. By which I mean, to consider the big stuff: your time, your energy, your support system, and your finances. This will help you choose the type of degree program you want to work towards and the college or university you will ultimately attend.
You may also want to ask a lot more questions than I did at the start, especially about how much support or experience your school has with non-traditional learners.
My journey started by taking the prerequisite courses I needed to get into my desired program. For me, that meant taking a few courses at the local community college. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed being back in a classroom and learning new things as a full-fledged adult!
I was much more engaged as an adult learner, I took my time to read and understand the material, to ask questions and participate in class, and to make connections with my professors.
My experience with grad school
Part-time community college was much kinder and more accommodating to my life as a working mom than what I encountered when I eventually started full-time graduate school. At 29, I was the oldest student and only parent. I was nearly a decade older than the other students in some of my classes. I was closer in age and life experience to my professors than my fellow students.
This was not something I had considered when I first applied to grad school, and you might be wiser than I to consider a major or program that caters to adult learners or working professionals and offers evening or part-time coursework. I don’t think the other students knew quite what to make of me, and I would have loved to have had some peers in a similar life stage. Eventually, I did become quite good friends with a few of my classmates.
Despite my initial excitement and success taking the community college courses, I was actually quite rusty at the full-time school thing. I quickly fell behind on the reading and assignments that first semester.
Feelings of inadequacy as a grad student
I felt inadequate without anyone to relate to. So, I scheduled a session with one of the school psychologists. He helped put things in perspective, which took some of the pressure off me. One of the perks of being a college student again was access to free on-campus mental health services. I highly recommend taking advantage of them. Once a year or so, I checked in with the counselor. It really helped when I was having those intense periods of self-doubt, unfairly comparing myself to those around me.
Over time, I figured out how to use the course syllabi to get and stay organized, established better study habits, and learned to cope with exam stress and assignment anxiety. Some days and weeks were better than others. My ability to maintain my sanity depended greatly on how many courses I took in a semester and how well I prioritized my physical health with sufficient sleep and regular exercise.
Being present in both my roles as a mom and a student
Most importantly, I learned not to try to multitask schoolwork with mom duties. A life-changing shift happened when I decided to give my schoolwork my full and undivided attention when it was time to sit down and focus, which meant not getting sidetracked by chores and putting my phone on do not disturb. This improved my efficiency, productivity, and retention enormously, which decreased my school-related anxiety.
I challenged myself to be equally as present with my family, which had the wonderful effect of decreasing my mom-guilt tremendously.
While doing my clinical rotations, I have met many working occupational therapists who also got their degree when they were mothers in their 30s. This helped me see that being a parent does not make me any less capable. In fact, my life and work experiences have strengthened my interpersonal and communication skills, which are invaluable assets that only come with age.
If you or someone you know is considering going back to school or making a big career change, I highly recommend reading the book Range by David Epstein. It chronicles the many inspiring true stories of real people who have made their mark in their respective fields and the world—even after a delayed start, winding path, or taking the road less traveled.
