Our sleep journey with our first started off pretty typical. She slept beside our bed in her bassinet, feeding on demand. Eventually, she transitioned to her crib in her own bedroom. From the age of 11 months until she was 3 years old, she slept through the night in her own room.
When Bedtime Became a Struggle
Suddenly, the summer after she had turned 3, everything changed. Bedtime became a struggle. Once she was finally asleep, she’d end up waking up in the middle of the night and running into our bedroom. We’d comfort her, take her to the potty, give her water, and then try to put her back into her bed. However, she began refusing to go back into her room unless we stayed there with her. It didn’t matter if we walked her back to her room 100 times—she was not going to stay in her room alone.
In an effort for everyone to get sleep (at this point, I had a second child, so I was tending to a 9-month-old at night too), my husband or I would end up lying on her floor. This obviously was not ideal and left us very cranky and tired the next day. In order for us not to have to be in her room, we bought her an inflatable toddler bed for our room (she called it her raft). This floor bed in our room was supposed to be temporary while we worked on why she would no longer sleep independently. She expressed fear, nervousness, and anxiety about being alone in her room.
I kept telling myself it was a phase and it would be over quickly. However, that was not the case. We struggled with this for nearly 3 years. As her mom, I knew I had to meet her needs, and if she was scared in her own room, I was going to provide comfort by letting her sleep on our floor (thinking it would be a brief situation). However, over time, the arrangement was no longer working. For one, we were waking her up accidentally while getting ready for work. Additionally, after almost three years on this inflatable bed, she became too tall for it and would be moving around all night, clearly not comfortable. Her movements and noises were keeping us up, and nobody was getting good rest. We became desperate to change this sleeping situation as it was taking a toll on all of us. After years of poor sleep, I was pouring from an empty cup.
Here are the many tactics we tried to get her to stay in her bed:
- Dropped her nap
- Switched from a toddler-size bed to a full-size bed
- Changes in bedtime (earlier and later)
- Dream catcher
- “Monster spray”
- Weighted blanket
- Warmies® weighted stuffie
- Nightlight (and various color options)
- Sound machine
- Tonie box
- Door open
- Melatonin
- Magnesium Calm Powder
- Calming Lotions
- Picture of mom next to the bed
- Sleeping with mom’s shirt
- Reward chart
- No screen time in the evening
- Seeing a behavioral psychologist at her pediatrician’s office
- Mattress on the floor of her sister’s room
- Constant reassurance of her safety and our love
- Many discussions and words of encouragement that she could do it
I spent hours researching child sleep. Online classes, books, podcasts, crowdsourcing in various mom groups—nothing worked. The mental load of trying to figure out this sleep puzzle was crushing me in other areas of my life.
So HOW DID WE FINALLY DO IT?
Bunk Beds. In April of this year, when our daughter was almost 6 and her sister was 3.5, we got them bunk beds. Magically, from night one in the bunk beds, she has stayed in the room. She has gotten out to use the potty or to tell us about an occasional nightmare, but she has not slept in our room since we got them a bunk bed! Fingers crossed, this will be our new normal.
If you’re struggling with this, know that you are not alone. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. It can be lonely and frustrating when it seems like everyone else’s kids are sleeping independently. You may feel shame when people make comments like “Just walk her back to her room…” or “We don’t let our kids sleep in our room. Just say no.” It’s not that easy when you have a child who is hysterical in the middle of the night and will not settle down until they feel the comfort of a parent. It’s also not easy to show up in life 100% when you are experiencing years of interrupted sleep. Just know, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and if all else fails, try a bunk bed!
