It’s been 12 days. 12 days since the entire trajectory of my life changed. It was a Friday night. I came home from a holiday party, and my husband dropped a BOMB on me: he cheated on me—a three-week, mostly emotional affair that did culminate in a kiss, twice. There was texting, there was a work lunch, and there was dinner out. I didn’t see this coming. This was not on my bingo card for 2025. This was not a thought that EVER crossed my mind. This man, my husband, no way! In the 12 years we had been together (married for 8), I never lacked trust in him. He was never one of those guys who had a wandering eye. He was dedicated and loyal…until now, apparently. I truly could not have predicted this in a million years. I was completely blindsided.
But here we are, 12 days later, still wondering if I will wake up from this nightmare. Still wondering WHY and HOW we got here. Still wonder how someone I love so deeply could hurt me so deeply. Still wonder how my perfect little life had suddenly gone up in flames.
The first few days after finding out were the worst. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, could barely breathe. It felt like fifty bricks were pushing on my chest. It felt like I had been punched in the stomach. My GI system was a wreck…nausea, diarrhea, aches, and pains. And yet, I wasn’t just a victim of infidelity…I was MOM. The morning after he told me was a Saturday morning like all others. Get up, pretend you’re okay, make breakfast, get a child ready for basketball. Do puzzles, play Paw Patrol, JUST. KEEP. GOING.
I kept going for a few hours until I literally could not stand. I told my kids I had a stomachache and moved into my bed for a few hours while they watched a movie and hung out with my husband (who also wasn’t doing well after providing such news to me). There was a work holiday party planned for that day, so I texted to say something had come up and I could no longer attend. We had tickets to a fun show that evening, a date night for me and my husband, and again, I could no longer attend. I was an emotional mess. The next day, Sunday, we had tickets to Bluey Camp at the Burlington Mall. I somehow mustered up the ability to go. The thought of disappointing my kids was too hard to swallow. So I went. I had to sit down in each of Bluey’s rooms. It was hard to stay upright. My heart was shattered, but I was also physically weak from not eating and sleeping. We made it through Bluey, family memory made, and the kids didn’t even know anything was wrong.
I gave myself Monday to be sad. My kids went off to school, and I asked my mom to come over so I could break the news to her. She was heartbroken, too. But there was relief in telling her and feeling her love and support.
Tuesday was back to business as usual. Caring for my kids, making meals, laundry, cleaning. At work, I put on a fake face and did my job as well as I could. Although my world had crumbled, the world around me wasn’t going to stop.
So, where do we go from here? We are in therapy, individually and as a couple. We are co-existing at home, talking A LOT (more than ever, ironically). We’re each trying to work through our emotions. It’s been one week since my husband’s last communication with his affair partner. However, he still has a strong urge to contact her; he seems drawn to her, under some sort of spell. I just need him to snap out of it. It’s unclear if he will be done talking to her forever or if they will be in contact again. I believe deep down he loves our family, but this new, exciting, enticing life is still tempting in the background. The daily anxiety of not knowing which way this story is going to go is debilitating.
Being in this situation is lonely. I feel like I am the only one going through this. Infidelity is something that is not commonly talked about. If you can relate to this post, just know that I am so sorry that it’s relatable… You are not alone, and you do not deserve this.
