Birth trauma is one of those things that no one really talks about. Perhaps it is the desire to not relive the bad experiences, or maybe it is the embarrassment surrounding the event. It could even be the guilt that creeps in knowing that the delivery did not go as planned. But people who experience birth trauma deserve to be seen and heard. Birth Trauma Awareness Week (July 15 to July 21) is organized by people in the UK and Australia, but birth trauma happens everywhere. My hope is that one day people in the US may join together to raise awareness.
My Story
I have shared parts of my story in past articles, but not everything. Many do not know of the guilt I felt or the disgust I directed at my body for “failing” me. My doctors induced me due to high blood pressure and the threat of preeclampsia. However, during the induction, right before I started pushing, I felt searing pain. The attending doctor checked to see if she could feel the baby’s head but felt a little foot instead. Nurses called a “code white”, and the doctors rushed me off to the operating room for an emergency caesarian.
Although I had received an epidural, I could still feel everything, so the doctors put me under general anesthesia. I did not find out until after I woke up the extent of what had happened. My uterus had ruptured, and the baby was floating around somewhere in my abdomen. She missed my ureter by millimeters. Due to the rupture and the traumatic way she was born, she spent 24 hours in the neonatal intensive care unit for observation. It took the surgeon four hours to repair the tear in my uterus, and I did not experience post-birth skin-to-skin or even hold my baby until the next day.
Cue the postpartum hormones and emotions: I felt like such a failure. My birth plan had gone out the window. I had an unwanted incision in my abdomen, and on top of that, I could not hold my baby. All I could think about was why me? I felt guilty for “taking the easy way out” by having a C-section. (All of you who have had a C-section know they are absolutely not the easy way out – but the stigma is there.)
You Are Not Alone
I found it helpful to find like-minded people on social media – people who have gone through similar traumas during birth. And I especially love the thoughts of @thebirthtrauma_mama on Instagram. I know there are others too, who in addition to experiencing birth trauma themselves, are also licensed social workers who specialize in birth trauma therapy.
Traumatic birth experiences come in a wide range of severity. It is valid if it caused you trauma and residual thoughts and feelings of why me? I see you and hear you. And I understand and empathize with you. However, the births that leave actual scars – whether physical, mental, or emotional, the ones where you or your baby almost did not make it (or perhaps the baby did not make it), these need the most support. The most awareness. Because these people are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. The fear. Sadness. Disappointment. Feeling like a failure. Worrying that they are not good parents because their experience left them incapable of caring for their child(ren) for some time.
How Can You Help?
Share someone’s story. If you know of someone who went through a traumatic birth, ask them to share their thoughts and feelings with you if they are comfortable doing so. It may feel awkward if the person breaks down but push through the awkwardness. Let them know you hear, see, and support them. People may never recover mentally or emotionally from a traumatic birth, and your continual support means a lot to them. Please never ask someone why aren’t you over this yet, it has been several years now, or say at least everything turned out okay in the end. You are not seeing the effects the trauma had on the person and are invalidating their experience.
You can also follow social media accounts that deal with birth trauma awareness and share those stories as well. It is only when these people who are actual survivors can see that others are aware of their experiences and that they feel supported and cared for. And I believe someday we will see birth trauma survivors supported the way they should be. Together let us remember, post, share, and validate them every day, but especially during Birth Trauma Awareness Week.
