Mom guilt is the most annoying thing I have experienced since becoming a mom. You care for these little people whom you love more than anything, yet all you want is a moment to pee by yourself. I constantly feel the urge to get out of the house to run any minor errand alone, only to find myself rushing to complete it and return home as quickly as possible. Therefore, the thought of pursuing anything personal for myself sends my mom guilt meter skyrocketing. It makes you think, how dare I even consider doing something that doesn’t involve my family? You don’t get to do that. You shouldn’t want to do that.
Motherhood will expand your identity.
Growing pains are real. Developing mentally, physically, or emotionally in any capacity can be challenging and uncomfortable. Parenthood expands your identity in ways you never imagined. You have the chance to experience the highest highs and the lowest lows. It is an absolute joy and, at times, a nightmare, especially when that guilt starts to seep in.
Being the best mother I can be is one of my greatest passions. I have many parenting books, listen to numerous podcasts, and discuss motherhood with anyone who will engage. My passion for it blossomed when I became a parent to this little human being. Not only am I dedicated to raising a well-rounded person in this world, but I also have personal interests outside of parenthood.
Pursuing my passion.
I recently completed my 200-hour yoga teacher training. I fell in love with yoga years ago and considered becoming a teacher even before I became a mom. The stars finally aligned, and I enrolled in the training, but soon after, I questioned whether this was the right choice for my family. One weekend each month for nine months was primarily about deepening my understanding of yoga, but it meant I would be away from my son for that time. The guilt of pursuing a personal goal that didn’t involve him felt selfish. I thought, why would I do this? My husband was very supportive, but I felt I should be home with the family, engaging in family activities during that one weekend each month.
Falling into the trap of mom guilt cast a dark cloud over something I loved. No one told me to stop pursuing this passion because they needed me at home. If anything, I was encouraged to keep going. I was the only one doubting my journey. Feeling like your sole focus in life is being a mother undermines your potential as a woman and an individual in this world.
Self-care is not selfish.
Pursuing a passion of mine not only makes me a happier person but also sets a great example for my son. My husband and I have discussed how we want to spend as much time as possible with our son, but he also expressed that if we were going to be away from him, we had to make it worth it. Ensuring that what you are doing is something you are enthusiastic about is necessary. I get to show my child how to pursue his passions and the importance of doing so because his parents did it to the best of their abilities, especially while caring for him.
You were an individual before you had these little humans and always will be, which is something I remind myself of often. Finding the time and courage to pursue something just for myself is challenging but not impossible.
Motherhood wasn’t meant to be done alone.
Finding help isn’t easy, but it is a non-negotiable. My mom would come during my yoga weekends to help. She got her grandma spoiling time in, and it alleviated some unnecessary stress I created for myself. I shifted my mindset from “asking for help means I suck as a mother” (which is NOT true. If you care about being a good mom, news flash, you are a good mom!) to my mom and son one-on-one relationship gets to flourish and become stronger. I have a wonderful relationship with my grandmother, and part of that is because I got to spend so much time with her.
Balancing motherhood while trying to keep the fire inside alive isn’t the easiest task, but it isn’t impossible. Quieting the guilt and engaging in activities that bring us joy is the ultimate sign of love for ourselves and our children. We wouldn’t ask our kids to stop pursuing their passions, so why should we? Changing your perspective can be life-changing. Transitioning from feeling guilty about pursuing my wants to nurturing this desire to make myself happy and maintain my mental well-being is essential. You hold more value in this world than just being a parent. Chase what makes you happy in this life. You are going to feel the guilt, so do it anyway.
