One year ago, I wrote the most vulnerable and open post about my struggles with postpartum depression and anxiety after the birth of my son. During the past year, I’ve done the work and finally feel as though I’m in a better place. I’ve talked about therapy, medication, and my overall support team of family and friends. The one thing I’ve never linked to my postpartum healing journey is music and the impact it has had on me.
Music has always been a passion of mine. I can’t sing, dance, play an instrument, or write music. However, music is still a part of me. From my first concert seeing Brittney Spears at age 7 or 8 to now, music has always been something I’ve loved. I love how a song can bring a certain feeling or remind me of a memory. There is nothing that can heal my soul more than listening to a song and screaming the words with the windows down or surrounded by fans screaming the words with me.
A few months ago, while on my drive to work, I was instantly drawn to a song to the point I was sobbing by the start of the chorus. I’ve been struggling for months on how to incorporate that song into a post until now. Reflecting on the past year and the struggles got me thinking about my musical journey to postpartum healing.
Below is the playlist that helped me cope with my postpartum mental health struggles (I’m an elder emo mom so if that’s not your jam I apologize for a lot of this playlist):
“You’d Never Know” by Blü Eyes
I don’t even know where to start with this song! The actual meaning behind the song is about dealing with an invisible chronic illness, and maybe that is why this stuck with me. Postpartum can oftentimes be an isolating and invisible mental health issue. On the outside, I looked like I had everything together. I started a new job, took the kids out to places, and did all the things. As the song starts, “You’d never know, I was fighting for my life eight months ago.” No one would ever know the thoughts inside my head. To this day, I don’t think people realize how dark and depressing my postpartum was. This song made me feel seen. It connected with me on a level I never expected and this song will forever be on my playlist.
“You Are Not Alone” by Deorro
I am an absolute sucker for an EDM banger, and this hits the spot when I need a more upbeat tune. This came up one day on Smart Shuffle and the beat had me listening, but the lyrics are what make me keep coming back. I think anyone can relate to the central message of the song: you are not alone. We all have people in our lives who are there when everyone else isn’t (you know who you are). I have a small but incredible support group who I am forever grateful for. They’ve always let me know that I am never alone.
“Missing You” by All Time Low
All Time Low is my favorite band of all time. I could probably write a dissertation on the connection I feel to almost every song they have. In those first few months postpartum, I was able to see ATL when they were in Boston because my husband took on the night shift. I think I sobbed hearing this song live. So many songs they write have deeper meanings about mental health struggles and finding support. This song is no different. It’s an amazing reminder that when struggling through any personal issue – never lose hope. This song reminds me that I’m not alone. (Spoiler: the song does have some explicit language but that line is the BEST to scream along to!)
“Fine” by Kyle Hume
I discovered this song a few months ago, and the chorus is what got me hooked. Again, it goes back to that feeling of being validated. As a mom (first time, second time, I’m sure even 3rd+ time) there are so many overwhelming feelings! I struggled with the concept of loving another child as much as my first. It was overwhelming starting a new job, trying to find my way as a mom of two, and navigating what felt like a brand-new world. I love the relatability of saying “I’m fine” when really we aren’t, and I think it’s something we can all relate to in the various seasons of life.
“Good Days” by Sza
I love the mentality in the meaning of this song. Good days are almost like a mantra Sza uses throughout this song to talk about the light at the end of the tunnel. The sunshine when all you may feel is darkness. I think we all look for hope. The lyrics speak to that feeling of being incomplete, not having enough, and then overthinking everything happening. As a mom, this is absolutely a vibe I feel we can all relate to.
“Are You There?” by All Time Low
Yeah, ATL is back in the playlist (sorry not sorry). I struggled so much when I started medication, and I didn’t want to not feel like myself. I also struggled, as someone who taught self-regulation, that I needed medication for my postpartum healing. This album was released before having my son, and when I started medication shortly after he was born it just really connected to me.
With my son, we took shifts because he would not sleep unless we held him (he actually only slept after screaming for 12-18+ hours and would only sleep when exhausted). My shift was the 2 AM to whenever I could nap again. This song hit home with the chorus. When the medication may not be hitting anymore, everyone was asleep when I was awake. I felt very alone in those days and couldn’t ever find a way to say I needed someone. There’s something magical when your favorite band writes a song that you feel with every fiber in your being, and this is that song.
“Everything Else Can Wait” by We The Kings
This is another song I did not have on my “What Will Make Ann Cry” bingo card. Again, another emo band that is coming back and hitting straight in the feels. The second I listened to this song, it made me think of my incredible husband Mike. He can read me like a book. He knows when I’m holding back thoughts and always encourages me to not keep them in. To not let them do me in, I guess you could say. Mike truly helped me get the past out of my head in those new postpartum days.
He reminded me what the future had for us, as we had similar struggles with our oldest. When I am with him, everything else can wait. He always reads my blog posts, and I hope he makes it this far down! Words can never describe how thankful I am for him. The ending of the chorus says it best, “Here in your arms, all of it melts away. I don’t even care at all what trouble comes our way. As long as I am with you, everything else can wait.”
“Don’t I Make It Look Easy” by Meghan Trainor
When I started my new job, everyone was so quick to think I just had it together. People got to know me and would hear me talking about things we’d do with our children. They’d see me put together, and the photos on social media of our family. I think it was very misleading, and probably still is! Social media only shows one side. The side others don’t see is my overthinking. The millions of clothes on the floor because things fit me differently after two kids. The imposter syndrome I felt, and the wondering if I was good enough. I think we all need to take a page from her book and forget about it (maybe she doesn’t say those exact words, but trying to stay family-friendly)!
“Special” by Lizzo
I really wanted to end on a positive note, and I think Lizzo perfectly sums this up. I think as moms we all feel imperfect. We worry about everything we do, and if we’re doing it right. I want to end by reminding you how special you are. There is no one in the world like you. We often feel alone because we forget that we’re all special in different ways. Motherhood has taught me so much, and it has taught me how special I am.
Music is such a special art form for me. Music is incredibly healing, and these are just a few of the songs I’ve had on repeat to help with postpartum healing. I hope some of these songs may resonate with some of you, and I hope they find you on the days you need that message music brings.
