The holidays come with so much joy and sometimes, so many demands. Simplifying gift-giving by changing over to Secret Snowflake exchanges between whole families has been a game changer for our entire family.
Gift-giving is one of the brightest parts of the holiday season for me. I love nothing more than being responsible for the joy that crosses over someone’s face when they feel thought of and cared for by a little something you got or made for them. Coming from a large family (I’m one of seven kids!) meant that I’ve always gotten to experience this joy many times a year. But, we grew and expanded our table to include partners and children, and the gift list started to get overwhelming, even for me.
At some point, we pared the adults down to a Secret Snowflake style of giving and getting one gift each, and that alleviated things a bit. But as the kid list kept growing (I’m up to twelve nieces and nephews!), that began to overwhelm me as well. I found that the task of coming up with twelve individual gifts meant that I was giving less time and intention to each gift in favor of finishing up the shopping. Not to mention, the budget was getting out of control.
I did some thinking and came up with a solution that has been a gift to us all: Whole Family Secret Snowflake.
This simple solution removed the logistical and budgetary strains of getting something for everyone while making sure that everyone had a chance to give care and feel cared for. This is how it works, we enter the family name of each of my siblings into a gift exchange generator and each family is secretly assigned a whole family to buy for. We agree on a budget and each household is tasked with coming up with one big gift or a series of small gifts for the members of their assigned household. It’s a practice we have been doing for five years and we love it.
What are some benefits of doing a whole family secret snowflake:
It allows for some truly focused thoughtfulness.
My husband, children, and I sit and think about the family we are giving to and think about what they like to do together and what their favorite things are. Then we work together and generate ideas of how to take care of them. I like being able to involve the children in putting thought behind their giving so that they can feel the impact their gift will make. We also take time as a family to discuss what brings us joy together and dream up things we might hope to do together so we can create the perfect wishlist when asked.
It can happen in person or be sent from far away.
We started this during pandemic isolation, and it meant that every household had a lovely care package to look forward to. Now that we are gathering again, some of these exchanges can happen as a sweet face-to-face moment between two of the many branches of our family. But since so many of my siblings live far away and can’t always make it home, this practice still allows them to connect from afar with a household they miss.
It creates a manageable budget.
The holidays add up quickly! Focusing on just one family helps lower that cost. In equal measure, dedicating the whole budget to one family helps us to dream big about the things we can get them.
It gets away from accumulating stuff. It allows you to think outside the box and give gifts of experiences or quality time.
Over the years, family has been gifted passes to a local museum, a board game we can play all together, a children’s book delivery subscription, or dinner out together. We’ve given tickets to concerts, towels, sunscreen for an upcoming vacation, and subscriptions to family streaming services. We love toys and are always grateful to receive them, but we have really enjoyed the opportunities for quality time that we have both given and received.
Some sweet ideas for a whole family exchange:
Movie Night: Gift them a subscription to a new streaming service and give it along with a basket of family favorite snacks.
Dinner out: Get them a gift card to a favorite restaurant.
Family Outing: Set them up with a membership to a local museum or passes for a family outing. Some personal local favorites:
Family Reading Time: Get each member a new book and buy a cozy blanket or two for the family to cuddle up and read under.
I cannot recommend simplifying gift-giving enough, and I hope it helps your family. Whatever you do for holiday gift-giving, may your winter season be full of family, joy, sweet moments, and caring!
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