As I grew up, my relationship with my mom was tumultuous. Her anger and harsh words, combined with the fatigue of working multiple jobs, made her physically and emotionally unavailable. Looking back at my childhood, my mom struggled with her grief of losing both her parents while being a mom to four, and that made most holidays an unhappy occasion growing up.
Throughout my teenage years, we strayed further, with intermittent spots of getting along, which most times felt like we were just tolerating each other. My parents made poor financial and other decisions, and their decisions impacted me and my siblings.
While I’ve processed these interactions and have a healthier relationship with my parents now, Mother’s Day is still complicated for me.
Yes, I love my mother and truly appreciate the ways she has shown support for me. I appreciate the relationship we have now, for what it is, and choose to move forward and work on our relationship.
Every May, I see the perfect pink cards covered in flowers with meaningful messages of gratitude and admiration, and feel empty.
What comes to mind when thinking about my mom (past and present) is guilt, stress, fear, and uncertainty. What card covers those feelings?
Since becoming a mom, I have learned to navigate these feelings a bit more, and I focus on my kids and my relationship with them, and celebrate that. I worry a lot about the relationship I have with my kids now, but as they grow up, what that relationship will be like as well.
I strive to be the mom that I didn’t have when I was 5 or 15, but also the one that 35-year-old me wishes I had.
So as we approach Mother’s Day, and those gift guides fill your inboxes and cards start appearing on store shelves, and if you’re navigating a challenging mother relationship, know you’re not alone. I know it doesn’t make the day sting any less, but you deserve to spend Mother’s Day how YOU want to, without guilt or stress. You’re doing a good job, and in case no one’s told you, you’re a good mom.
