A divorce or separation is not an easy life experience, especially when you have children who will go through this change with you. You hope that your child will continue feeling loved, happy, and stable despite this often confusing and frustrating transition.
By working as a team with your co-parent (as challenging as this may be) you can continue giving your child the support that they need.
Here are some co-parenting tips that may help navigate this new partnership style:
Be present and in the moment
One of the best ways to remind your child that they are loved is by giving them uninterrupted quality time. As difficult as this can be when you are parenting on your own and juggling a handful of other obligations, try to set aside blocks of time where you are fully engaged in whatever you are doing with your child. Whether it be a game, a book, or just a heartfelt conversation, think of sharing time with the other parent as quality over quantity.
Set a routine but be flexible
Having a defined and predictable routine can be comforting for your child (and you), but try to leave some room for those last-minute or unexpected changes – positive or negative.
Be honest but kind
It is almost inevitable that questions about their new life will come up. Although these conversations can be difficult, let your child lead the conversation (completely judgment-free) and give them age-appropriate answers, reminding them that they will always be safe and loved. It can often be difficult to speak positively of your former partner but remember that this may only confuse your child and may pressure them into feeling like they have to take sides. Focus the conversations on all the ways that things will now be better, rather than any blaming or finger-pointing.
Always choose respect in front of your child
There will be times when disagreements with your child’s other parent will arise, but remind yourself to save the heavy topics for more private conversations. Avoid discussing finances/legal issues, and parenting-style conflicts in front of your child, and do not make your child a ‘messenger’ in any situation.
Although this can be challenging when problems present themselves, remember that you want your child to always feel comfortable, and safe, and to never feel responsible for your decision to separate.
Last, but certainly not least…be gentle with yourself
Remember that YOU are going through a big life change too. It’s okay to feel confused and drained. It’s okay if not every moment with your child is picture-perfect. And it’s most certainly okay (in fact, necessary) to give yourself the grace to heal, grow, and learn. Make time for yourself and prioritize your feelings. When you feel your best, your child will feel it too.
