When I became pregnant with my son, I was extremely nervous because I suffered a loss a couple of months prior. Once the first trimester passed, I became more excited and curious. I wondered what will he look like? Will we be good parents? Will my son and I have a good bond? I had no idea what to expect being a first-time mother so these emotions were the main ones I felt.
This pregnancy is completely different. I am way more prepared than I was but this time excitement is mixed with an array of other emotions during pregnancy.
Excited
Of course, I am excited. I am excited to see my son as an older brother. Since this baby is a girl, I look forward to raising a girl and experiencing different things. I am excited to see my husband turn into mush with his baby girl. There are several things I look forward to doing with a girl and experiencing for the first time.
Scared/Nervous
With all those situations that I am excited about, comes a large amount of fear. I’m scared my son will resent her and not want to be around her. Is my son going to regress and begin acting out? I fear that I will not have a good relationship with her and we will be distant. Is she and her brother going to have a close relationship? Is she going to be healthy?
Even though I have gone through labor before, I am nervous about the delivery part. Is it going to be a smooth delivery? Will I need a C-section? There is so much worry about how things will turn out that it masks the excitement. I also can’t help but be nervous that the pregnancy isn’t going to be viable and I will suffer another loss. My son was a pretty easy baby so I am also nervous that this baby will be more difficult.
Guilt
If I love my son so much, then why would I want to have another child? Am I going to love our daughter as much as I love our son? I feel guilty that my patience is thin, and I am extremely irritable, which makes me yell and get frustrated with people much easier. At the beginning of this pregnancy, I was so sick causing me to be distant with my son so that makes me feel guilty as well. I want him to have good memories with me and of his sister, and not remember the times I wasn’t present in the moment.
Overwhelmed
Financial stress. Marital issues. Messy house. Work. Lack of sleep. An elderly dog that is getting on my nerves. Extremely clingy 4-year-old that only wants momma. All of this while carrying a child is definitely taking a toll on me mentally and physically. I feel like I am drowning and cannot escape. All while trying to keep my baby safe and not put too much stress on my body.
Sad
Knowing this baby is probably my last makes me extremely sad. It will be my last time having a newborn and getting all those squishy baby snuggles. There will be no more fun announcements to family and friends. As sick as I was this pregnancy, I truly love being pregnant so it makes me sad thinking that I won’t experience it again.
Happy
Of course, I am so happy to be bringing another bundle of joy into the world. I’ve always wanted a boy and a girl to experience both, so I’m over the moon that I am having a girl this time. I am excited to experience all the firsts again and to get all the baby snuggles. I am extremely excited to open my heart to another baby and to be called “mama” by another little human.
If you have ever experienced all of these emotions at once during pregnancy, I am here to reassure you that it is normal. You are not a bad person for not being excited all the time while pregnant. I would love to hear your personal stories and what emotions you felt while carrying your child(ren). Did you feel the same way during any of your pregnancies?
