When my older son turned five last summer and was still having major meltdowns over minor disappointments and transitions, I did my best to figure out what the problem was. Our interactions felt increasingly negative. I was either reprimanding him for being too rough with his younger brother, trying to pry him off of me when his brother needed something, or fighting with him to get in the car to go anywhere. I knew we needed to make some changes before he was too big for me to physically remove him or carry him out to the car.
I’ve worked with four and five-year-olds for most of my career as a Pre-K teacher and now as an administrator of a preschool (where my son attends). I have about 20 years of experience with children my son’s age. I have been successful at running classrooms full of four and five-year-olds. I’ve dealt with many children with challenging behavior and big feelings, and I’ve coached parents and teachers through strategies and interventions. Some of my favorite and most rewarding relationships throughout my career have been with these children, but I could not get a handle on my own child’s behavior. My stress and self-doubt were increasing each day.
Fortunately, my son did not let it all out at school, and he saved most of his meltdowns for my husband and me (mostly me!). I thought about what I would recommend to families I work with in this situation. I would usually recommend that they reach out for support. The first person to come to mind was someone who had provided behavioral support for a couple of children who attended the preschool where I work and whom I had invited to lead a workshop for teachers and parents. I was talking to a colleague about my frustration and whether to get help, and she said, “Just swallow your pride and reach out to Stacie.”
Dr. Stacie Bancroft, Ph.D., founded Growing Joy Consulting a few years ago. A behavior analyst and parent coach with many years of experience, she brings a wealth of knowledge and ideas to families and schools in need of behavioral support. When my colleagues and I worked with her, we became big fans of her down-to-earth, non-judgmental approach. It was beneficial to not only have a behavioral expert offering research-based strategies to our teachers, but she also bridged the gap between home and school, which provides the best chance of success for the child.
The First Meeting
Growing Joy Consulting offers different options depending on the families’ needs. We set up a free initial consult, a home visit, and four telehealth sessions. Even from the initial consult, I could tell that Stacie understood our challenges and would be able to provide realistic strategies to help. At that first meeting, she gave us some ideas to tackle the worsening sibling dynamics. We saw results almost instantly as we shifted our focus to praising my oldest for being such a good big brother, highlighting how much he gets to do as a big brother, and pointing out how much his younger brother looks up to him.
Next Appointment
The next appointment was a home visit at 5:00pm. Having someone watch you parent at the end of a long work day is a little intimidating, but I knew it would be helpful for Stacie to see my kids in action and how we operate as a family. She put us at ease as she watched us do our thing, offering a few suggestions and chatting about some of the issues. It felt more like having a friend over and less like the Supernanny coming in to set us straight.
I was hoping my son would have one of his epic meltdowns while she was there so she could see the worst of it, but alas, he was pretty calm. She still got to see the boys bidding for my attention, and some of the issues my older son has with transitions. Anticipating his better behavior with an unfamiliar person in the house, I had taken videos of his recent tantrums so she could get the full picture (with adjustable volume).
How The Telehealth Sessions Worked
At our first telehealth session, she shared observations and insights from the home visit. Stacie boosted our confidence by pointing out some of our strengths as parents and noted where we could make some improvements. She structured our four telehealth sessions around four problem areas: sibling dynamics, meltdowns, bedtime, and our morning routine. She outlined an incentive system to help improve my son’s behavior and provided us with slides she had made to explain the plan and strategies to add to our parenting toolbox.
We recently had our last telehealth sessions, and my husband and I have already seen significant improvement in our son’s behavior. He’s more compliant, less reactive, kinder to his brother, and falling asleep earlier without an hour-long bedtime battle. It’s not an exaggeration to say that having some time to ourselves again after the kids are asleep is life-changing. The changes we’ve made aren’t just a quick fix for our most recent parenting challenges, but rather a starting point for consciously creating the kind of family we want to be.
While Growing Joy Consulting is just one type of parenting support, this experience has strengthened my belief that getting an objective, outside perspective can be helpful for any parent because when you’re in it, it is so much harder to see the big picture and find the best path forward. Support can also come from a behavioral health clinician at a pediatrician’s office, a therapist, or a parent coach. Progress is made when they take the time to understand your family’s values and goals and then use research-based strategies to move you forward. It’s kind of like finding the instruction manual that all children should be born with.
