What I Will & Will Not Do With My Second Baby

I recently had my second baby, a baby girl, in December. During my pregnancy with her, it gave me some time to reflect on what worked and didn’t work for us the first time around with my son.

Here is a list of what I will and will not do with my second baby:

I will enjoy the newborn phase and soak it in.

With my son, I was struggling with postpartum anxiety and was having a difficult time enjoying the newborn phase. I still say to this day that “Newborn phase was my least favorite”. I only focused on the negative aspects. The lack of sleep. The constant crying. The lack of sleep. This time around, with it being my last baby, I want to spend more time enjoying the cute newborn phase. The snuggles. When they squish into a little ball on your shoulder. The contact naps. The “new baby smell”. Sure, I’ll have to deal with the hard stuff too but I’m not going to let it ruin my experience. I want to soak in all the cuteness and squishiness because I won’t have it again.

I will have date nights with my husband.

When our son was born, we were so wrapped up in him and trying to navigate parenthood that we hardly had any date nights. In our defense, it was right when the world shut down because of COVID so there weren’t many options to go on a date. I was also so enthralled and obsessed with my baby that I did not want to pawn him off to anyone. My anxiety made me feel like a burden for asking my in-laws to watch him even for an hour so I wouldn’t even bother. This time around, since there hopefully will not be a global pandemic, I am going to be better about scheduling date nights with my husband to make sure we focus on our marriage too.

I will get sleep when I can.

Everyone would always tell me “Be sure to sleep when the baby sleeps” or “Sleep when you can”. The problem with that was when he was sleeping, I wanted to enjoy my peace and quiet. I was also so enamored with my baby boy that sometimes I would just sit and watch him sleep. I would obsess about whether he was breathing normally and making sure he was ok. Also, when I would try to nap, if I heard him make a peep I would snap awake and then not be able to rest. I’m hoping that when this baby comes I will be able to relax and take advantage of sleeping when she does.

I will not be afraid to ask for help

When my son was born, I was afraid to ask for help. To me, asking people to help me when I was struggling was a weakness. I wanted to be seen as a “super mom” and I couldn’t do that if I needed help. When my baby would get over tired and fussy I would get overwhelmed but I would try to handle it myself. Because that’s what “good” moms do. After years of therapy, I quickly learned that asking for help is not a weakness. In fact, it makes me stronger and a better mom. When this baby comes, I’m going to remember this and be sure to ask for help in any way I need.

I will not compare her to her brother or other babies.

During the pandemic, social media was a blessing. Family members were able to watch Jacob grow since they couldn’t meet him in person. On the other hand, I started comparing my baby to other babies. It started making me question his development. I would wonder if he was delayed because other babies were completing milestones that he hadn’t yet. It drove me crazy. I realized that social media is only a snapshot of people’s lives and you don’t get the whole story. When baby girl comes I need to be better of not comparing her to her brother or babies I see on social media. Every baby is different.

I will not take unsolicited advice personally

People are always going to give you advice on parenting, whether you ask for it or not. When this happened with my son, I would take it personally. I would feel like they were attacking me or insulting me as a mother. For the next baby, I am going to be better with just brushing off the unsolicited advice and trusting my judgement.

Do you have things you wish you did differently for your second child than you did with your first? Share your will-do’s and will-not-do’s in the comments below.