As a former teacher and current school administrator, I have seen many examples of effective communication and ineffective communication between parents and teachers.
Here are my best tips for parents to effectively communicate with their child’s teacher:
Always start by assuming the best intentions.
If your child, especially a young one, comes home unusually upset or reports something concerning about their school day, it’s a parent’s job to figure out what’s going on. However, there are two sides to every story, so it’s best to approach the teacher with curiosity rather than accusations. For example, “My child said x,y, z. Do you have any more information about that?” The vast majority of teachers are in this profession because they want to help kids, so there is often a reason behind, or greater context to, whatever your child has reported. Teachers want their students to be happy and successful in school.
If you’re upset, wait to send the email.
Unless it’s truly a very urgent situation, an email to a teacher can almost always wait until the next day. When you are upset by something that happened at school or something your child reported, reread the email in the morning. Revise it if the tone is harsh or it might come across too strongly (as emails tend to do when we’re upset).
Talk in person or on the phone whenever possible.
Tone can easily be misinterpreted in emails. It can be helpful to schedule a brief conversation or a meeting with the teacher, if possible, to communicate about a concern most effectively. Use email for simple exchanges of information.
Go to the teacher before the principal.
Just as you wouldn’t want someone to go straight to your supervisor about an issue at work, address any classroom concerns with the teacher first. If you’re unsatisfied with the teacher’s response or there have been repeated, serious concerns, then you can go to the principal or other administrators, but always start with the teacher.
It goes a long way in acknowledging the many demands on a teacher.
Before you make a request or complain about something not being done, think about whether it’s feasible and fair for the teacher to do this for every child in the class. Teachers have to juggle many responsibilities and children’s needs each day, and they appreciate it when parents come to a conversation with that understanding. (Please note that a teacher not following an IEP or 504 plan is a very different, more serious issue that should be addressed.)
As your child gets older, encourage them to approach the teacher with concerns instead of immediately getting involved yourself.
If your child is upset by a grade, needs to hand in an assignment late, or is having a minor issue in school, this is the perfect opportunity for your child to practice self-advocacy skills in a safe environment. Not only is respectfully voicing concerns to their teacher a valuable skill, but it is also likely to be more effective than a parent immediately getting involved. Role-play the interaction with your child so they feel confident about approaching the teacher.
You know your child best, and it is your job to advocate for them. Teachers bring expertise and experience to their work with students. Mutual respect for each other’s roles is the biggest factor in effective communication and a successful parent-teacher relationship.
