Parenthood demands a mammoth amount of organization that tires any brain. Being a neurodiverse parent adds an extra layer of challenge to this feat. Read below for some strategies I use to keep myself organized as a parent with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).
Back in fifth grade, I received an ADD diagnosis. As a ten-year-old, I struggled with disorganization, anxiety, and feeling scattered, which led to stress migraines. My doctor at the time affectionately referred to me as having “space cadet brain.” Throughout my life, I have come to add a lot more nuance to that explanation. My brain lives at the crossroads where anxiety meets an overabundance of thoughts, all bouncing off each other like a ball does off the walls of a pinball machine. I can vacillate wildly and suddenly from productive and structured to procrastinating and chaotic. I am overwhelmed easily by mundane tasks, often becoming paralyzed by the stress of a to-do list. But when faced with an emergency, I become an efficient one-woman crisis team.
Throughout my journey of living with ADD, I have developed a few strategies that help me stay on top of day-to-day tasks. Since becoming a parent, these have proven vital to keeping our family ship afloat. My hope is that others with a brain like mine can find some help in these suggestions.
Here are strategies for staying organized as a parent with ADD that I use and that have been vital for our family:
Put it on the calendar.
While I have always had a super-human ability to remember dates and times, adding children to the mix has increased the number of people’s schedules to memorize. To stay on top of this, my husband and I established a shared digital calendar through our phones. Every single event- doctor appointments, play dates, parent social outings- goes on this calendar. This way, events are always at my fingertips so that I can plan around them.
I take it a step further and also write them by hand into the paper calendar on our kitchen wall. This way, I have further embedded the date in my mind by physically writing it out, and I give myself a visual cue about what’s on the agenda.
At the start of the week, my husband and I use the calendar to plan our menu and meal preparation for the week. Then, I make a plan for myself to execute it all. This brings me to my next hack.
Use the reminder app.
Once I have a plan set for myself for the week, I make sure I stick to it by setting myself reminders. I use the reminder application on my phone for everything! When meal planning, I send myself reminders to thaw proteins or make marinades. When an event changes our routine, I leave myself a reminder for a few hours before it starts so I can be sure to make it. I’ve even been known to remind myself which box in the closet contains the holiday clothes hand-me-downs so that I can be ready for festive seasonal dressing.
It is easy for me to get distracted by the many demands that pop up in a regular day and forget to stay on top of the key tasks that keep the week going. When a reminder pops up on my phone, it helps me to stop and make sure that essential tasks get done.
Make a list and follow it.
Oftentimes, when it comes time to do a big task like spring cleaning the house or turning over the seasonal clothes, I will run into mini projects that need my attention along the way. I refer to this as If You Give a Mouse a Cookie Cleaning. If you aren’t familiar with this classic children’s book, it is a story in which the titular mouse carries out a complicated series of vaguely related tasks because each one he endeavors to do reminds him of something else on his mind. Just like the mouse, I will notice another job that needs doing while I’m in the middle of completing my original one. Along the way, I get pulled into further side tasks. This keeps going until several hours pass, and I find myself with a series of completed side projects and one glaringly abandoned intended project.
The way I overcome this is to write myself a detailed to-do list. I think of all the tasks I need to accomplish. Then I arrange them in a logical order, and I write myself a plan. I will even go as far as to draw myself arrows with notes like, “While you are putting the towels away upstairs, grab the kids’ laundry and bring it to the laundry room. Then grab the window cleaner and head to the playroom.” This way, I tackle everything that stands out as needing attention. I do it in an intentional way that makes sure nothing gets left a quarter of the way done.
Bonus Hack:
If you use lists, make sure to leave yourself check boxes! I respond very well to the dopamine boost of being satisfied that a job is done. Getting to check off my to-do list helps motivate me to keep going. And if you’re like me and end up taking on extra jobs anyway, go right ahead and add them late to your to-do list, just to check them off. You earned it!
Establish a place for everything.
My house succumbs to clutter more often than not. Even if I know the content and location of every chaos pile around my house, to the naked eye, it only looks like a mess and debris. I’m not perfect, and in the rush of day-to-day life, things often get left out or set aside with good intentions that it takes me days to follow through on.
The way I combat this is to create homes for everything. I organize my clothes into category piles. My pantry shelves are separated by type of food. Our playroom has boxes for each type of toy, labeled with words and illustrations. When we get new gifts for the children at holidays or birthdays, the first thing I do is establish a storage system for the new toys. This way, when I do get the chance to put things away, everything has a designated place to go to. When something has a specific destination, I find it much easier and quicker to put it away. Also, this helps me to decide when it is time to donate or dispose of things. As I run out of storage space, I’m forced to question the necessity of some items and make space.
Bonus Hack:
These categorized systems also help my children learn how to clean up. I started working with them on organized clean-up around age two. Once they have a few rounds of guided practice, they can independently put items back in the correct boxes. This makes for peaceful clean-up times and is helping to lay the foundation for them to develop organizational skills as they grow.
Staying on top of the parenting mental load can be exhausting. Whether you are on your own ADD journey, have a different neurodivergence, or are just stacked with a huge to-do list, I hope these strategies for staying organized as a parent with ADD help you to have a more peaceful home! What strategies for staying organized did I miss? Share ideas in the comments below!
