It happened. I turned forty. There’s something intimidating about meeting a new decade. There’s something daunting about that tens place digit in your age number turning over. In some ways it feels distinguished, like becoming an adultier adult than you just were. In a lot of ways, it feels anxious as everyone and everything points out how old you are and how lamentable aging is.
As I spent this past thirty ninth year with the precipice of middle age looming ever nearer, I spent a lot of time reflecting: what does 40 mean to me? What do I want out of my forties? How do I feel now? How do I want to feel for the next several decades? In the end, I’ve decided to celebrate my way into 40, to take the future by the horns and define my age for myself. Since turning 40 is widely regarded as a fearful specter, I’ve decided to share my outlook with anyone who wants to view aging a different way. Here are the commitments I’m making to myself as I step stride swagger into 40.
I won’t call myself old!
First of all, old is not a dirty word. Aging means getting to live a long and full life while you compile a treasure trove of wisdom and experience. But the way the word “old” gets bandied about once you hit 40 implies that your heyday is past. I remember each of my parents turning 40 in the late eighties and early nineties. Fortieth celebrations around this time were bedecked with tombstone symbols and festooned with “over the hill” banners. To my young mind, forty might as well have been ancient. Even nowadays, social media runs rampant with jokes about how your forties mean low energy, sore joints, and boring habits. The attitude is that once you hit 40, you’re no longer youthful and your time for adventuring and fun is already wrapping up.
While it is not inaccurate to say that my back and knees creak more than they used to, and while you won’t find me going clubbing any time soon, I’m not old! My interests have changed (give me an episode of The Pitt and my crocheting kit over a standing-room-only-concert any night). My energy is different (10:30 feels like a late bed time where once it was 30 minutes before the bar got good). But I am NOT old. As far as I know, I have over half my life left. I have a long future full of making new friendships in growing in old ones, of taking on new challenges, of pursuing dreams, traveling to bucket list destinations, and running alongside my kids as they grow. In a lot of ways, I’m just getting started.
I will take care of my body. I will be compassionate about it
If I’m going to (literally and figuratively) run alongside my kids as they grow, I’m going to need to remain strong and healthy. I will find ways to move that help me feel energetic and strong and bring me joy. I will make and eat foods that fuel and strengthen me and I will make and eat foods that are decadent and simply fun to eat. I will rest when I need it and not treat rest as a commodity to be earned.
I will let go of messaging that tells me I only have beauty or value if my pants size is smaller. I will exercise because it fulfills me, not because every movie and tv show of my youth said that eating ice cream demands a cardio workout as penance. I will nourish and care for my body so that it can take me on decades more of adventures.
I will invest in relationships
My life is populated with a rich cast of characters who bring me joy, variety, support, and fun. I’ve maintained this cast by being intentional about staying in touch, making time to get together, showing up for people when it is called for, and welcoming their showing up for me when I need it. I will stay committed to nurturing these relationships and to applying the same intentions to the new ones I make along the way.
I will not let myself be shy about saying, “I love you.” Saying, “I love you,” can feel risky and awkward and make us squirm for whatever reason. But I’ve come to decide that’s ridiculous. Declaring love for someone is the same as saying “my life, heart, and mind, are better because you’re around.” There’s nothing to feel ashamed about in that. I’d rather live life letting people know they matter than keep it a secret because saying it feels vulnerable.
I will live authentically
I have been working on removing the word “should” from my vocabulary and going forward, I will treat it like a dirty word. “Should” applies pressure and so often works counter to your gut. I’ve learned (thanks to my therapist!) that doing things because I “should” do them is almost never fulfilling and usually ends with me dissatisfied and/or resentful. With obvious exceptions for safety, health, and caring for others, I plan to stop listening to “should.” I will instead make decisions for myself based on what feels right, based on what I want and need.
I will commit to following my interests, to pursuing things that make me feel passionate. I know what I like, so I will commit to filling my life with it. I know what I’m interested in learning and trying, so it’s time to make plans to actually do it!
Most importantly, I will be me! I am an ADHD former theater kid with a penchant for granny crafts and a love of dry humor. I’m whimsical, weird, and listen near exclusively to showtunes. I narrate my mundane actions with improvised songs. I like to literally stop and smell roses while taking a walk. I listen to grisly murder mystery or romantasy audiobooks by day and read fluffy Hallmark-esque rom-coms at night. Where, for most of my life, I have kept my eccentricities to myself and shared them with only my inner circle, I plan to just live my weird out loud. I’ve spent a long time building who I am, and I’m a pretty big fan of her. I might as well not be shy about it!
Here’s to forty being fun, flexible, flavorful, fit, friendly, focused, fruitful, and fulfilling!
