As I approach the third trimester of my second pregnancy, I’ve been looking back at this journey with loving kindness for all my body is going through, how I look in the mirror and how I’m talking to myself.
But, it wasn’t always this way…
When I got pregnant in May, it was easy to think ahead to what pregnancy would look like. After all, with my first go-around in 2018, I had the smoothest, most vibrant and easy pregnancy. No major symptoms, minimal weight gain, no stretch marks, glowy skin, nails and hair, and a bounce in my step that people could see a mile away. Oh, and did I mention my labor and delivery were as smooth as could be? Really, pregnancy-wise, I had it made.
At that time, I was participating in an intensive yoga teacher training (which I completed at 8 months pregnant), living in sunny LA, and had no major responsibilities except my job and paying rent. I was able to fully revel in every element of pregnancy because I simply had the time and energy to do so. Life was good. Life was simple. Pregnancy was a breeze.
So, it was no wonder when I learned I was pregnant this summer that I expected the same kind of journey.
Except this time, every part of the situation looked and felt different.
I have consistent morning sickness, and aches and pains.
I have an active toddler.
I work from home and am overall less active.
I live in a different state and not a city.
I just bought a house and have more responsibilities.
I’m gaining weight faster and feeling different in my body.
I’m more critical of my changing shape.
I’m not romanticizing parenthood and the newborn phase.
I’m not journaling, reading or nesting like I was in anticipation of baby #1.
Tell me you’ve been here too.
This is hard.
It’s hard not to compare your pregnancies and get down.
I want (and plan) to offer my second child all of me, the way I did with my first born, but I’m a someone different now.
I’m older, more tired, more overwhelmed, more anxious. But, I’m also more wise, more strong, more resilient, more capable, more aware.
It was this sudden realization that snapped me out of it.
Here and Now
At 25 weeks in, I was starting to cut the BS and give myself more credit.
My pregnancies couldn’t ever be the same. I wasn’t the same.
Why was I making things harder for myself?
That was it.
I decided from that point on, until baby #2 arrives, I’ll be a little kinder and gentler to myself. I needed to learn that no two journeys are the same and a happy, positive, loving mother is all my children will ever need, and that starts now.
I’m here to say — if you’ve been comparing your pregnancies, past lives, journeys, relationships, whatever! — don’t. Give yourself grace to do things differently.
Give yourself permission to have a new chapter.
Wake up to your life just the way it is and it is supposed to be. You deserve to live it and not compare it.
Change your inner voice and let your experience be yours again.
